作文题一: Is memory a help or a hindrance in helping us learn from the past and succeed in the future?
学生习作1:
On the thesis, one may have doubt since not all the memories are sweet. But I insist that even the bad ones can offer help. For instance, during my winter vacation in Junior, I lost a cell phone that I had used for more than two years. That was the day before the Spring Festival, the most important festival for reunion in China. I was in a good mood at that time because I was going to shoot some photos with my aunt. There were many people in the store. 3I felt a little crowded. It was the time when we were choosing the frames that my cell phone was stolen. Too late did I realize the unfortunate fact. (营造记忆)
Afterwards, whenever I was in public, I paid extra attention to my personal possession such as my purse and mp4. Therefore, I havent lost any other things till now. I learned to be extremely careful from the horrible memory. (营造收获)
分析:
1 during强调延续性,in强调一段时间里发生了一件事。所以此处应该改成in.
2 文章采取倒叙手法,所以在2处感觉有一点奇怪,刚刚还是东西被盗,后来心情又好了。
3 不能是你觉得挤,只能是that place was a little crowded
4 文章的深刻度不够,处于4-5分的水平,要拿更好的分数,还得在深刻性上下功夫。个人例子特别适合以情动人。
修改:
In my winter vacation in Junior, I went to shoot some photos with my aunt since the most important festival in China, namely, the Spring Festival was approaching. But the photo studio was full of people choosing clothes and making up. It was in such disorder that I lost my cell phone which I had used for two years. This unhappy event almost ruined my once-in-a-year celebration for I could hardly contact my friends and my teachers to have a get-together because I had never backed up their phone numbers before. (营造悲惨记忆)
So I began to, from that moment, form a habit of writing down the information of my friends and relatives on my notebook to ensure safety. And up to now, I have got my special address list, with my own notes attached to many numbers showing their relationship with me, their birthday and even their favorite food. For example, Lily, a confidant, likes bananas, born on May 1; Adam is just a fair-weather friend. Interestingly enough, now I find that I could not only recite most important numbers but also strengthened my ties with my true friends. (深化收获)
省时达人考前支招六级如何提升做题速度
备考锦囊英语六级考试听力复习技巧
英语六级人生大考的第一次滑铁卢
英语四六级考试经验总结要考就过650分
英语四六级阅读中的猜词技巧
利用最后两周冲刺12月份英语四六级考试
四六级考试双满分学生谈学英语的诀窍
6月英语四六级考试最后冲刺作息安排
妙招大放送英语四级考试复习技巧详解
英语六级考试高分经验勤奋加技巧等于高分
解读大学英语四六级考试写作误区
提高六级考试做题速度的个人经验分享
六级高分牛人经验多看多练高分不难
12月英语四六级最后一周作息安排
大学新四六级考试趋势关注及复习备考
英语四六级考试应试献策需要注意三点
6月英语四六级篇章词汇理解题应试技巧
六级高分610分谈如何学习英语
英语六级听力应试技巧心理要强大记录要迅速
最全英语四六级考试听力应试技巧集锦
写给基础不好却想过四六级的朋友
英语六级683分的高分秘诀英语是只纸老虎
新英语六级经验谈如何考到500分
大学英语六级考试重要的时间点
十天过英语六级考试牛人的四六级考法
最详尽的英语四六级口语考试细节指导
大学英语六级667分经验狂看书狂做练习
6月英语六级考试完形填空应试技巧
英语六级677分秘诀九层之台起于垒土
应该如何背四六级英语单词
不限 |
英语教案 |
英语课件 |
英语试题 |
不限 |
不限 |
上册 |
下册 |
不限 |