下面对GRE写作纰漏的更正进行介绍,希望对您的GRE考试会有所帮助。
原稿
语言修改
And the mainstream science plays the very vital role to provide people with reasonable methods. These science are based on practical experiments, carefully analize and reasoning. They may not seem as good as those nonmainstream areas in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help. On the other hand, science plays the very vital role of providing people with reasoned methods to conduct life. Science is based on practical experiments, careful analysis, and reasoning. They may not seem as miraculous as nonmainstream areas in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help.
GRE写作内容点评及修改
这一段大问题跟前面类似,只是提出了主流的科学给人们提供合理的方法。这些科学是基于实验,仔细的分析和逻辑的方法的。它们看上去不如非主流的追求那样满足人们的追求,但是却能给人提供真正的帮助。这是作者的观点,但是没有具体说明科学是如何给人们提供合理的方法,缺乏真正能够支持论点的实例。下面的修改范例在内容上对原稿进行了补充。不仅提出科学不像那些迷信那样能够给人们提供奇迹的、不可思议的方法,但是在科学朴实的外表之下它能够给人们带来真正的帮助,并例举了
具体的科学门类所给人们提供的帮助。
修改范例
On the other hand, the history of mankind has amply demonstrated that, science based on experiments and analysis, provide people with reasoned methods to conduct life. Psychology explains human behavior. Sociology enlightens people on their relationship with their surrounding environment. Modern medicine has advanced so much that it is now possible to predict cancer even before a child is born.
原稿
语言修改
Generally speaking, the so-called nonmainstream areas color our life to a GREat extent, but we should believe in the mainstream science when we want to resolve problems. Mainstream areas color our lives to a GREat extent, but we should put our trust in mainstream science when we want to solve real problems.
总评这篇GRE考试作文所犯的错误非常有代表性,提出的观点几乎完全没有例证。这是中国学生最大的通病。许多学生似乎觉得如果观点是公认的,就不需要例证了。但是现在是在考写作能力,其中最重要的一条就是能否用恰当地例证支持观点。至于观点是否新颖还是其次的考量。
第二个错误,也是非常普遍的错误就是没有表现出对问题的复杂性的理解。有老师把这一点说成是表达复杂思想的能力。这样说不准确。GRE写作不要求表达复杂的思想,而是表现出洞悉议题的复杂性的能力。GRE作文的题目往往不是黑白分明的,你可以有自己的观点,多么强烈都可以,但是从第一段起,就要注意展现对问题复杂性的认识。具体说,就是认识到你反驳或不同意的观点往往也有它的道理。 Do harm to改为harm,因为这样说更直接。英语里有 does more harm than good, did little harm这样的表达法,但是对有害应该直接用 harm, 或者be harmful to, be detrimental to.
resolution 是决心的意思,如New Year resolution. 此外还有决议的意思,如:a resolution of the dispute.解决问题中的解决要用solve 或者solution。
the God改为God 或是the Gods。
表示转折的词中and是很少用的。这一段和上一段的关系是转折,应该用but。
原稿中只提到了methods,而没有说是干什么的方法。改后稿改为methods to conduct life,具体说明了处理生活的方法。
第二句犯了parallelism的错误,不能够真正的平行。practical experiments是个名词, carefully analize 是副词加动词,而reasoning是动名词。科学看上去不如非主流的追求那样满足人们的追求。这句话在内容上也是有问题的。
reasoned表示合乎逻辑的,reasonable表示较为合理的不一定是合乎逻辑的。reasonable还表示费用不高的。
用法错误:So-called暗示所提及的内容不是真正意义上的非主流,只是这样叫罢了。
believe in: 信仰, trust, put trust in: 信任。
resolve conflict解决冲突,解决问题直接用solve problems就可以了。real problem表示现实当中的问题。
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