My Pleasant Day

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This day is my pleasant day.I got up at seven ,and had a big breakfast.Then I did my homework first. During the time, I usually listened music to relax. It took three hours to do that. I played computer. After playing a while, my mum asked me to clean my bedroom and cook the lunch. In the afternoon, my mum checked my homework and she was pleased with it. So she allowed me to go shopping with her. We bought a lot of things I like. In the evening, I watched TV with my family. Then I went to bed. I think I will have a good night.

你的一天描述的很清楚，也很到位。语言需要再好好雕琢，比如开头最好不要用this day 可以用 today is the most pleasant day.后文说到Then I did my homework first. During the time, I usually listened music to relax.写作业要集中精力，怎么能听音乐relax?语言没有问题，但是内容需要斟酌~It took three hours to do that.建议写成It took me three hours to do finish my homework because while I was doing homework I was listening to the music as well.这样文章就不会因为都是简单句显得单调了。We bought a lot of things I like.这句定语从句用的很好！

批改老师：郝月菲

郝月菲，（查看郝月菲老师介绍） 英文名Hazel（被学生戏称为黑狗老师）英语专业八级，功底深厚，发音纯正，美式口语地道。毕业于北师大二附中的郝老师非常了解京城中学学生英语学习需 求，信奉实用趣味励志的英语教育理念，坚持以兴趣为主导，不断挖掘学生对于英语的热情。郝老师拥有非凡的个人魅力，幽默风趣的授课风格总能让 原本枯燥无味的英语变得趣味横生。