社会学家给毕业生们的忠告：不要担心梦想

Happy Graduation, Seniors! Congratulations! What’s next? Below is some sociologically-inspired, out-of-the-box advice on work, love, family, friendship, and the meaning of life. For new grads from the two of us!

恭喜毕业，毕业生们!祝贺你们!接下来呢?下面就是我们二人给刚毕业的你们的建议，这些建议有关工作、爱情、家庭、友谊以及生活意义，既不落俗套，又具有社会学启发性!

1. Don’t Worry About Making Your Dreams Come True

不要担心实现梦想

College graduates are often told: “follow your passion, do “what you love, what you were “meant to do, or “make your dreams come true. Two-thirds think they’re going find a job that allows them to change the world, half within five years. Yikes.

毕业生们总被告诫要“跟随激情、“做自己热爱的事情、“做自己想做的事情，或者“让梦想成为现实。2/3的毕业生以为，五年之内，自己要干一份能够改变世界的工作。乖乖!

This sets young people up to fail. The truth is that the vast majority of us will not be employed in a job that is both our lifelong passion and a world-changer; that’s just not the way our global economy is. So it’s ok to set your sights just a tad below occupationalecstasy. Just find a job that you like. Use that job to help you have a full life with lots of good things and pleasure and helping others and stuff. A great life is pretty good, even if it’s not perfect.

这种年轻人注定要失败。事实上，大部分人做的工作既无关乎人生激情，也不可能改变整个世界;因为全球经济不是这么玩的。所以，你可以将职业目标稍微调低一些。只要找份自己喜欢的工作就行了。然后好好利用这份工作，让自己的生活充满美好的事情、开心快乐并助人为乐。就算不完美，充实的人生也会相当美满。

2. Make Friends

交朋友

Americans put a lot of emphasis on finding Mr. or Ms. Right and getting married. We think this will bring us happiness. In fact, however, both psychological well-being and health are more strongly related to friendship. If you have good friends, you’ll be less likely to get the common cold, less likely to die from cancer, recover better from the loss of a spouse, and keep your mental acuity as you age.

美国人总是过于强调找个“白马王子或“真命女神来结婚。我们以为这样就能幸福。其实，心理健康更大程度上取决于友谊。如果有很好的朋友，你就不太容易感冒或死于癌症，而且更容易从丧偶中恢复过来，并且随着年纪增长依旧能保持敏锐。

You’ll also feel more capable of facing life’s challenges, be less likely to feed depressed, and be happier in old age. Having happy friends increases your chance of being happy as much as an extra $145,500 a year does. So, make friends!

你也会在面对生活挑战时更坚强，不太会容易感到沮丧，晚年也会更快乐。拥有乐天派朋友能够让你感染快乐，这可是一年多挣145,500美元才能达到的效果!所以，请多交朋友吧!

3. Don’t Worry about Being Single

不要为单身发愁

Single people, especially women, are stigmatized in our society: we’re all familiar with the image of a sad, lonely woman eating ice cream with her cats in her pajamas on Saturday night. But about 45% of U.S. adults aren’t married and around 1 in 7 lives alone.

单身人士，尤其是剩女，在这个社会是受到歧视的：我们应该都很熟悉那个孤独悲伤的剩女，在周六晚上穿着睡衣，和猫咪分享一个冰激凌的样子吧。但是，美国有45%的成年人未婚，而且将近1/7的人独居。

This might be you. Research shows that young people’s expectations about their marital status (e.g., the desire to be married by 30 and have kids by 32) have little or no relationship to what actually happens to people. So, go with the flow.

你可能就是其中一员。研究表明，人们对自己婚姻状态的期望(即30岁结婚32岁生小孩)，很少跟自身经历扯上关系。所以，顺其自然吧。

And, if you’re single, you’re in good company. Single people spend more time with friends, volunteer more, and are more involved in their communities than married people. Never-married and divorced women are happier, on average, than married women. So, don’t buy into the myth of the miserable singleton.

何况，如果你还单身，或许身边不缺朋友。较之于已婚人士而言，单身人士花更多时间跟朋友呆在一起，经常参加志愿活动，也更热衷于社区事务。基本上，从未结婚或离婚女人要比已婚女人更快乐。所以，不要去相信那种“单身可悲可怜的鬼话!

4. Don’t Take Your Ideas about Gender and Marriage Too Seriously

不要将性别与婚姻看得太死板

If you do get married, be both principled and flexible. Relationship satisfaction, financial security, and happy kids are more strongly related to the ability to adapt in the face of life’s challenges than any particular way of organizing families. The most functional families are ones that can bend. So partnering with someone who thinks that one partner should support their families and the other should take responsibility for the house and children is a recipe for disaster. So is being equally rigid about non-traditional divisions of labor. It’s okay to have ideas about how to organize your family – and, for the love of god, please talk about both your ideals and fallback positions on this – but your best bet for happiness is to be flexible.

如果你已经结婚，那么既应该有所原则，又需要灵活应变。关系和谐、经济保障、子女快乐等，更大程度上依赖于适应生活挑战的能力，而非死抓着原则不放。最和谐的家庭是能够灵活应变的家庭。如果伴侣觉得，一个人应该负责养家糊口，另一个人应该看家带孩子的话，那简直太可怕了。家务活分配方面的刻板观念同样如此。当然，在组织家庭方面有点想法无可厚非，而且，看在彼此相爱的份上，还是商量一下两个人的想法和底线为好。不过，最后只有灵活应变才能真正幸福。

5. Think Hard About Whether to Buy a House

认真考虑要不要买房

Our current image of the American Dream revolves around homeownership, and buying a home is often taken for granted as a stage on the path to full-fledge adulthood. But the ideal of universal home ownership was born in the 1950s. It’s a rather new idea.

现在我们对美国梦的阐释依旧围绕着“有房有家，买房被理所当然认为是通往完满成年阶段的一个步骤。不过，20世纪50年代诞生了通用置业的观念。这个观念相当新奇。

With such a short history, it’s funny that people often insist that buying a house is a fool-proof investment and the best way to secure retirement. In fact, buying a house may not be the best choice for you. The mortgage may be less than rent, but there are also taxes, insurance, and the increasingly common Home Owners Association (HOA) fees. You may someday sell the house for more than you bought it but, if you paid interest on a mortgage, you also paid far more than the sale price. You have freedom from a landlord, but may discover your HOA is just as controlling, or worse. And then there’s the headache: renting relieves you from the stress of being responsible for repairs. It also offers a freedom of movement that you might cherish.

有意思的是，在短时间内，人们就坚持认为买房是安心退休的最保本投资、最好的方法。其实，买房或许并不是你最好的选择。房贷或许比房租低，但你还得支付税费、保险费，以及日益增长的业主协会(HOA)会费。或许将来你会高价卖掉房子，可是，如果你为房贷付利息，那么你的支出也远远超过卖房收入了。你可能不再受房东的气，可你会发现HOA也很烦人，甚至比房东还讨厌。还有头疼的事呢：如果租房子的话，你不用负责维修事宜;而且，你可以说搬就搬了。

So, think carefully about whether buying or renting is a better fit for your finances, lifestyle, and future goals. This New York Times rent vs. buy calculator is a good start.

所以请考虑清楚，自己的经济条件、生活方式以及未来目标，到底适合买房还是租房。不妨先看看《纽约时报》上针对租房和买房的投票吧。

6. Think Even Harder about Having Kids

慎重考虑要不要小孩

One father had this to say about children: “They’re a huge source of joy, but they turn every other source of joy to shit. In fact, having children correlates with both an increased sense of purpose in life and a long-lasting decrease in individual and marital happiness. Having kids means spending a lot of your short life and limited income on one source of joy.

有个爸爸是这么说小孩的：“小孩是巨大的快乐之源，但他们也把其他的快乐之源全毁了。 其实，有了小孩之后，一方面会使生活目标更明确，但另一方面，也会使个人及婚姻幸福感持续不断下降。养育小孩即意味着把你短暂的人生和有限的收入全部奉献在这唯一的快乐之源上。

It’s not a bad decision. But it’s also not the only good decision you can make. We want to think we can “have it all but, in fact, it’s a zero sum game. You have only so much time and money and there are lots of ways to find satisfaction, pleasure, and meaning in this life. Consider all your options.

这虽然不是什么坏决定，但也不是唯一的好决定。我们也希望可以“拥有一切，可现实是，到头来只会“一场空。你的时间与金钱很有限，而能够获得满足感、快乐及生活意义的方式则太多了。好好考虑一下自己的选择吧。