职场英语：如何写出有说服力的电子邮件

Follow this simple, six-step system to ensure your e-mails get the job done.

遵循确保你的电子邮件能完成任务的简单六步法。

E-mails are the most common document in the business world. Unfortunately, many e-mails are so poorly written that recipients must struggle to figure out why they're reading the e-mail and what they're supposed to do about it.

电子邮件是商业世界里最常见的文件形式。不幸的是，很多电子邮件都写得非常差，以至于邮件接收者必须努力搞清楚他们为什么在读那封电子邮件以及他们应该针对那封电子邮件的内容做什么事情。

Here's a foolproof method to write e-mails that get the job done.

以下是让电子邮件完成任务的简单且万无一失的方法。

1. Have a specific decision in mind.

1.在心中有一个具体的决定。

The goal of an e-mail is always to get the recipient(s) to make a decision of some kind. Otherwise, why bother writing the it? Therefore, before you write anything, ask yourself: exactly what decision do I want the recipient to make? As with all business writing, vagueness is the opposite of useful. The clearer the goal, the more convincing your e-mail will be.

电子邮件的目的总是让邮件接收者做出某种决定。否则，为什么要费劲写电子邮件呢?因此，在你写任何东西之前，你都要问自己：我到底想让邮件接收者做出什么样的决定?就所有的商业写作而言，模糊性是实用性的对立面。你的电子邮件的目标越清晰越有说服力。

2. Start by writing your conclusion.

2.以你的结论为开始写电子邮件。

Your conclusion is a statement of the decision that you want the recipient to make, based upon the contents of your e-mail.

你的结论是你想让邮件接收者做出什么样的决定的一个声明，而这个决定要基于你的电子邮件内容做出。

In school, they probably taught you to start with an introduction and end with an conclusion. Wrong. Nobody in the business world has time to wander through the development of an idea. If you don't tell them the reason for the e-mail immediately, chances are they'll just move on. So you start with your conclusion. For example, suppose your goal is get your boss to approve an in-house gym.

在学校里，他们可能教你以介绍内容开始以结论结束。错误。商业世界里没有人有时间去揣摩一个想法的发展过程。如果你不立即告诉他们你写电子邮件的原因，他们很可能就会继续干别的事情。所以你要以结论为开始。例如，假设你的目标是让你的老板同意建一个内部的健身房。

WRONG:

Jim,

As you know, employee absenteeism is generally recognized as an ongoing problem with a steep financial impact, both in our company and in other companies in our industries. [yada, yada, yada] Therefore, we should consider allocating money for the installation of a gym at our headquarter facility.

错误的说法：

吉姆，

如你所知，员工旷工是一个公认的持续存在的问题，而且这一问题对我们公司和我们所处行业的其它公司都有难以承受的财务影响等等。因此，我们应该考虑拨款在我们的总部基础设施中建造一个健身房。

RIGHT:

Jim,

I want you to approve the installation of an in-house gym.

正确的说法：

吉姆，

我想让你批准建立一个内部的健身房。

3. Structure your supporting argument into "digestible chunks."

3.把你的支持论据组织成“容易理解的小块”。

Once you've stated your conclusion, marshall the arguments that support your conclusion (i.e. the decision you want made). To make your arguments "digestible," break them into small "chunks," and present each point with a similar format and sentence structure.

一旦你说出了结论，就要使用能够支持你的结论(即你想要做出的决定)的论据。要使你的论据“容易理解”，你要把它们分成小“块”，并以相似的格式和句子结构呈现每一个论据。

WRONG:

According to a recently published government report, group physical fitness is extremely important even though very few companies actually demonstrate a commitment to it! Many firms identify physical fitness as an undervalued competitive asset, but don't have a plan for improvement in this area, even though physical fitness is strongly linked to corporate and individual economic and personal success. I feel that if we do not address the issue of physical fitness as it enhances workplace productivity, we will be left behind.

错误的做法：

根据最近发表的一项政府工作报告，团体身体健康情况非常重要，虽然很少有公司会真正地展示出对团体身体健康做出的承诺!很多公司确定身体健康是一项被低估的竞争性资产，尽管身体健康与公司和个人的经济和个人成功有密切关系，但是他们在这个领域还没有改进计划。我觉得如果我们不解决身体健康这个问题，我们将会被落下，因为它能提高工作场所的工作效率。

RIGHT:

An in-house gym will:

- Reduce absenteeism.

- Increase overall productivity.

正确的说法：

一个内部的健身房将会：

——减少旷工。

——提高整体的生产效率。

4. Bolster each argument with evidence.

4.用证据支持每一个论点。

It's been said that everyone has two things: a sphincter and an opinion. Unless you provide facts that back up your arguments, your e-mail becomes one giant, opinion and therefore, in the eyes of the recipient, you'll probably seem like one, giant... well..., you get the idea.

众所周知每个人都有两样东西：括约肌和想法。除非你提供支持你的论点的事实，否则你的电子邮件会成为一个庞然大物，因此在接收者的眼里你的意见似乎就像是一个庞然大物……嗯……你懂的。

WRONG:

An in-house gym will reduce absenteeism because then people will want to come to work rather than stay at home and they won't get sick so much.

错误的说法：

内部健身房将会减少旷工，因为那时人们将会愿意来工作而不是呆在家里，而且他们也不会生那么多病了。

RIGHT:

- Reduce absenteeism. According to a National Health Institute survey of 1,000 firms, companies with in-house gyms experience 20% less absenteeism than those who lack such facilities.

正确的说法：

-减少旷工。根据国家健康研究所对1000家公司进行的调查结果，有内部健身房的公司比没有内部健身房的公司的旷工率少20%。

5. Repeat your conclusion as a "call to action."

5.把你的结论作为“行动口号”来重复。

At the end of the e-mail, restate the conclusion in a way that provides the recipient with the next step that the recipient must take, assuming the recipient now agrees with your conclusion, based upon the force of your arguments and evidence. Keep it simple and specific.

在邮件结尾处以给收件人提供下一步必须采取什么行动的方式重申结论，基于你的论点和证据的力度假设接收者同意你的结论。要让结论保持简单和具体。

WRONG:

Your support for this project would be greatly appreciated.

错误的说法：

你对此项目的支持，我将不胜感激。

RIGHT:

If you respond to this e-mail with your approval, I'll get the process started.

正确的说法：

如果你回复邮件批准此事，我将启动这个项目。

6. Stick a benefit in the subject line.

6.在主题行写上一个好处。

Your subject line (aka "title") is the most important part of an e-mail, which is why you write it last, after you've written down both your conclusion and the arguments and evidence that supports that conclusion.

你的主题行(又名“标题行”)是一封电子邮件中最重要的部分，这就是在你写下你的结论和支持结论的论点和证据后最后再写主题的原因。

Ideally, a subject line should accomplish two important tasks: 1) interest the recipient enough so that the e-mail gets opened and read, and 2) imply the conclusion that you want to the recipient to accept.

理想情况下，一个标题行应该完成两项重要任务：1)足够地吸引接收者，这样接收者能够打开电子邮件并阅读电子邮件2)暗示你想让接收者接受的结论。

In most cases, the best way to accomplish both tasks is to encapsulate a benefit (or benefits) that will result from the decision that you'd like the recipient to make.

在大多数情况下，完成两项任务最好的方法就是概括你想要接收者做出的决定将会带来的一个好处或者多个好处。

WRONG:

Subject: The Health Impact of In-House Employee Fitness Program

错误的说法：

主题：内部员工健身项目的健康影响

RIGHT:

Subject: How we can reduce absenteeis

正确的说法：

主题：我们能如何减少旷工

To wrap it up, here are the two e-mails:

不多说了，以下是两封电子邮件：

WRONG:

To: xx

Subject: The Health Impact of In-House Employee Fitness Programs

Jim,

As you know, employee absenteeism is generally recognized as an ongoing problem with a steep financial impact, both in our company and in other companies in our industries. An in-house gym will reduce absenteeism because then people will want to come to work rather than stay at home and they won't get sick so much. Therefore, we should consider allocating money for the installation of a gym at our headquarters facility. Your support for this project would be greatly appreciated.

Jill

错误的说法：

至：xx

主题：内部员工健身项目的健康影响

吉姆，

如你所知，员工旷工是一个公认的持续存在的问题，而且这一问题对我们公司和我们所处行业的其它公司都有难以承受的财务影响。内部健身房将会减少旷工，因为那时人们将会愿意来工作而不是呆在家里，而且他们也不会生那么多病了。因此，我们应该考虑拨款在总部基础设施中建造一个健身房。你对此项目的支持，我将不胜感激。

吉尔

RIGHT:

To:xx

Subject: How we can reduce absenteeism

Jim,

I want you to approve the installation of an in-house gym. This will:

- Reduce absenteeism. According to a National Health Institute survey of 1,000 firms, companies with in-house gyms experience 20% less absenteeism than those who lack such facilities.

- Increase productivity. We have 50% more absenteeism than other firms in our industry, so reducing that number by 20% will automatically increase our productivity by 10%.

If you respond to this e-mail with your approval, I'll get the process started.

Jill

正确的说法：

至：xx

主题：我们能如何减少旷工

吉姆，我想让你批准建造一个内部的健身房。这将会：

——减少旷工。根据国家健康研究所对1000家公司进行的调查结果，有内部健身房的公司比没有内部健身房的公司的旷工率少20%。

——提高生产效率。我们公司比其它同行业公司的旷工率高出50%，所以把旷工率减少20%自然会把我们的生产效率提高10%。

如果你回复邮件批准此事，我将启动这个项目。

吉尔

Seriously, which of the two e-mails do YOU think is more likely to move your agenda forward?

认真地说你认为这两封电子邮件哪一封更可能推进你的工作日程呢?