别人对你的话题不感兴趣的六大征兆

Like most people, I have several pet subjects – that may or may not be interesting to other people. Don’t get me started on happiness, or habits, or children’s literature, or Winston Churchill, unless you really want to talk about it.

和多数人一样，我有那么几种喜欢的聊天话题——而那对其他人而言或许不那么有趣。别和我谈论有关幸福、习惯、儿童文学或者温斯顿-丘吉尔的话题，除非你真的想谈论那些。

By noting how I behave when I’m trying to hide my own boredom, I came up with a list of indicators that I might be boring someone:

通过注意我自己试图掩盖无聊时的动作，我想出了一些我可能令别人感到无聊了的征兆。

1. Repeated, perfunctory responses. A person who says, “Oh really? Oh really? That’s interesting. Oh really?” is probably not very engaged. Or a person who keeps saying, “That’s hilarious.”

1.重复、敷衍的回答。一个总是说“哦，是吗?哦，是吗?太有趣了。哦，是吗?”的人恐怕对谈话没什么兴趣。

2. Simple questions. People who are bored ask simple questions. “When did you move?” “Where did you go?” People who are interested ask more complicated questions that show curiosity, not mere politeness.

2.提简单的问题。人们感到无聊时会问简单的问题。“你什么时候搬家的?”“你去哪儿了?”真正感兴趣的人会问些更复杂的问题，那表现出了他们的好奇，而不仅仅是出于礼貌。

3. Interruption. Although it sounds rude, interruption is actually a good sign, I think. It means a person is bursting to say something, and that shows interest. Similarly…

3.打断。虽然那听上去有些粗鲁，但我认为打断别人实际上是个很好的信号。那意味着某人非常想要说些什么，也表现了他的兴趣。以此类推……

4. Imbalance of talking time. I suspect that many people fondly suppose that they do eighty percent of the talking because people find them fascinating. Sometimes, it’s true, a discussion involves a huge download of information; that’s a very satisfying kind of conversation. In general, though, people want to add their own opinions, information, and experiences. If they aren’t doing that, they may just want the conversation to end faster.

4.说话时间的不平衡。我估计很多人都天真地认为他们之所以80%的时间都在讲话是因为听的人觉得他们很有趣。有时候，当这个对话包含了大量的信息时，这是对的，这会是一次非常愉快的谈话。但是总体而言，人们总是希望谈他们自己的看法、知识或者经验。假如他们不那么做，或许他们仅仅希望谈话早点结束而已。

5. Body position. People with a good connection generally turn fully to face each other. A person who is partially turned away isn’t fully embracing the conversation. I pay special attention to body position when I’m in a meeting and trying to show (or feign) interest: I sit forward in my chair, and keep my attention obviously focused on whoever is speaking, instead of looking down at papers, gazing into space, or checking my phone (!).

5.身体姿势。那些做着很好交流的人大多会完全直面对方。而那些侧身相对的人则并没有完全融入对话。我在开会时对身体姿势相当注意，我总是试图表现(或者假装)我很感兴趣：我会坐直，明显地把我的注意力集中在任何正在讲话的人身上，而不是低头看纸、对空发呆或者看手机。

Along the same lines, if you’re a speaker trying to figure out if an audience is interested in what you’re saying:

同理，如果你是讲话的人，而你想要看出观众是否对你讲的话有兴趣：

6. Audience posture. Back in 1885, Sir Francis Galton wrote a paper in 1885 called “The Measurement of Fidget.” He determined that people slouch and lean when bored, so a speaker can measure the boredom of an audience by seeing how far from vertically upright they are. Also, attentive people fidget less; bored people fidget more. An audience that’s upright and still is interested, while an audience that’s horizontal and squirmy is bored.

6.观众动作。早在1885年，弗朗西斯-加尔顿爵士写了一篇名为“烦躁的测量”的论文。他认为人们在感到无聊时会没精打采或身体倾斜。所以说话者可以通过观察观众的身体姿势距离笔直有多远来推测他们的无聊程度。而且，全神贯注的人不太会烦躁，而感到无聊的人则更可能烦躁。一位身板挺直的观众是对话题感兴趣的，而一位坐立不安，东倒西歪的观众则觉得很无聊。

I also remind myself of La Rochefoucauld's observation: “We are always bored by those whom we bore.” If I’m bored, there’s a good chance the other person is bored, too. Time to find a different subject.

我也用拉罗什福科的话提醒自己：“我们总是会对那些会觉得我们无聊的人感到无聊”。当我觉得无聊时，对方有可能也觉得无聊。是时候换个别的话题了。