研究表明,一个人的人际关系好坏和他平时的说话习惯是高度相关的。老话说得好,祸从口出,糟糕的说话方式很容易破坏你平日里精心培养起来的人际关系。看看以下的6种说话的禁忌有没有在你身上发生吧。
1. The Fake Agreement: Pretending to agree while expressing the opposite point of view.
1.虚假认同:假装认同别人的同时却表现出相反的观点。
Typical usage: “I'm with you… but I just don’t think we should take on that project.”
经典语句:“我很赞同你的观点……不过我不认为我们应该采用那个项目。”
In reality you aren't really with me because then you would agree with what I’m saying. (Plus beginning a sentence with something like, “I hear you…” is like a condescending pat on the head.)
事实是你根本不同意我,因为不管我说什么你都会说你同意。(补充一句,如果一句话用“我听说你……”这样的语句来开头的话,听上去就好像上级拍着下级的脑袋在讲话一样。)
Don’t try to couch a different opinion inside a warm and fuzzy Fake Agreement. If you disagree, just say so professionally.
不要试着把不同的意见硬装在一句友善的、模棱两可的赞同中。你要是不同意,就直接正式地说出来。
2. The Unsupported Closure: Ending a discussion or making a decision without backup or solid justification.
2.缺乏支持的结束语:做出缺乏支持和有力证据的总结或决定。
Typical usage: “At the end of the day, we’re here to sell products.”
经典语句:“在今天的最后,我们为了销售产品走到了这一步。”
Really? I had no idea we’re supposed to sell products!
真的吗?我根本不知道我们原来是要销售产品啊!
The Unsupported Closure is the go-to move for people who want something a certain way and cannot or do not feel like explaining why. Whenever you feel one coming on, take a deep breath and start over; otherwise you’ll spout inane platitudes instead of objective reasons that may actually help your employees get behind your decision.
这种缺乏支持的结束语是说话人的一种强迫他人接受的说法。他希望某件事要以某种方式发展,但却无法或是不愿解释为什么。每当你想到一个什么点子的时候,最好作个深呼吸然后开始讲述;不然你只会吐出大量毫无意义的陈词滥调,而不是能够帮到雇员们理解你的决定的那些客观原因。
Quick note: A Fake Agreement combines nicely with an Unjustified Closure: “I hear what you’re saying, but at the end of the day revenue concerns must come first.” Win-win!
顺便一提:虚假认同和缺乏支持的结束语简直是天作之合:“我听说你讲的话了,不过在今天的最后还是应该先考虑收入问题。”瞧,简直是双赢啊!
3. The False Uncertainty: Pretending you’re not sure when in fact you really are.
3.假装不确定:假装你对某件事不确定,但实际上你非常确定。
Typical usage: “You know, when I think about it... I’m not so sure shutting down that facility isn’t the best option after all.”
经典语句:“你知道,当我仔细思考的时候……我不确定把那个工厂关掉是不是最好的选择。”
Oh, you’re sure; you’re just trying to create buy-in or a sense of inclusion by pretending you still have an open mind… or you’re planting seeds for something you know you will eventually do.
噢,你根本就知道啊;你这只是为了假装你仍然觉得模棱两可罢了……或者你正在为你知道你最终会做的某件事情埋下伏笔而已。
Never say you aren’t sure unless you really aren't sure... and are truly willing to consider other viewpoints.
只要你不是真的不确定,而且真的愿意考虑其他人的想法,就永远都别说不确定……
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这些日常用语原来都出自莎士比亚