Most of what we know about bullying comes from the schoolyard. There is a broad body of research on the subject and it’s being discussed more and more in the media, including in public service announcements about how to teach kids to stick up for picked-on classmates. About one-third of people report being bullied as a child with about five to 10 percent reporting being severely victimized.
当提及“欺压”一词，我们想到的是学校里孩子间的行为。关于学校里孩子间恃强力弱的研究很多，社会也越来越关注这个问题，很多公众机构大力宣传如何教育自己的孩子不在学校被欺负和欺负别人。大约有三分之一的人告白自己在学校里被欺负过，其中有百分之十受到过很严重的伤害。
Kids can be cruel, but bullying is not a strictly childhood phenomenon. Many adults report being bullied at work, and the net effect of these toxic behaviors can leave us feeling humiliated, ashamed, embarrassed, intimidated and even depressed. Bullying is intentional hostility or aggression that is repeatedly directed at a target person who is usually less powerful than the bully. The hostilities can be emotional or physical, and the acts toward the target are done to coerce, intimidate or gain and maintain power. The topic of bullying in the workplace is a relatively new area of research (though, surely, people have been bullying each other for as long as they’ve worked together), but it is one that is growing rapidly.
孩子欺负孩子有时候会显得很残酷，然而，“欺压”的现象却不是只在学校出现的。很多成年人在工作中也受到过类似学校“欺压”的待遇。在工作做受到职场恶霸的欺压，会使我们感到屈辱、羞愧、尴尬、威胁甚至抑郁。职场欺压是一种敌视或侵略行为，在职场中，被欺压的人往往处于权利的劣势地位。职场欺压是个相对较新的研究话题(尽管从人们一开始在一起工作就有这种现象)，然而，针对这个话题的研究也在不断进步。
Recognizing a Bully
什么叫职场欺压
Most simply, if you are repeatedly tormented and singled-out for intimation by a person who is trying to gain and use power over you, or to simply wear you down and frustrate you, then you’re being bullied.
非常简单，在职场中，如果你被同事反复欺负，或是收到威胁暗示;如果你被同事打击或是给你小鞋穿，那么你就遭遇了职场欺压。
If, on the other hand, your boss is simply a mean person and yells at you and everyone else quite a lot (like in "The Devil Wears Prada"), this is likely not bullying. It’s not always black or white; the line of what is and isn’t bullying can become very blurred.
从另一方面讲，如果你的老板是个脾气很火爆的人，老师对你和你的同事吼三吼四(就像电影‘穿普拉达的恶魔’里的老板一样)这样的情况不算是职场欺压。是不是职场欺压没有一个明确的定义，比较难界定。
Let’s assume, for the sake of discussion, that it is your immediate supervisor who’s after you. This woman, let’s call her Fran, is jealous of your performance. You’re far out-pacing her productivity when she was in your position, and it’s clear upper management has you on the radar for a promotion, perhaps even before Fran.
为了让你更明白，我们做个假设。比方说，你的直接上司是个女人，叫弗兰。她很嫉妒你的才干，因为你的工作能力比她强很多。你们的领导想要提拔你，也许职位会高过弗兰。
What does Fran do that’s so bad? Well, for starters, she always gives you assignments at about 4:45 p.m., right before it’s time to quit for the day. These assignments are always urgent, and they often come on Friday afternoons.
这时候，弗兰做了什么呢?最开始，她总是把工作拖到4:45才交给你做，在这以前，你什么工作都没有。这个工作呢，一般是很着急需要完成的。这样的事一般会在周五下午发生。
Fran also undermines you in public. She puts you down in subtle ways in front of others (“I liked your presentation at the meeting—I barely even noticed when you misreported those sales numbers.”), then explodes on you in emails, calling your ideas stupid and your choices unprofessional. On several occasions she has had the gall to lament about why you don’t treat her better, suggesting you’re not a team player. When other people are around, she sometimes supports your ideas, but everyone can sense her true feelings and your co-workers have even started to ask you why she dislikes you so much.
弗兰也会在其他人面前阴你，她会让你不经意就落入她设好的圈套。(“我喜欢你在会上的发言——我几乎没听出来你将销售额报错“)在发给你的邮件里她要爆发一下，说你的建议愚蠢，说你的工作很不专业。在某些场合，她会在同事面前装可怜说你对她不好。说你不合作。当其他同事在时，她有事会装作很支持你的想法。当然大家都能感觉到弗兰真正的想法，你的同事也会问你她为什么不喜欢你。
Having Fran as a boss makes going to work really stink. You love what you do but you hate your work environment. She’s got it out for you, and you’re overwhelmed by the sense that she’s not going to stop until you crack down the middle.
有弗兰这样的上级很让人头痛。你喜欢你的工作，但却讨厌这样的工作环境。她就这样和你杠上了，你会觉得她不会消停下来的，除非你中途败下阵来。
Does it sound like I know your bully? I have some personal experience with workplace and schoolyard bullying, and it’s true that one of the worst parts about it is feeling trapped, like there’s no way out of the situation.
这样你事发生在你头上过没?我有过在学校和职场被欺压的经历。这样的经历让人最难受的是觉得被困在了这样一个环境里，无处可逃。
Putting an End to the Abuse
结束职场“被欺压”
When I was in elementary school, I was bullied quite a lot. I was a chubby kid and my nickname at school was Saucy, short for Sausage. I remember one day some bullies took my shoes and played “keep away” as I ran around trying to get them back. After being taunted and taunted, I just quit, got down on the ground, and pretended I broke my leg chasing them.
当我上小学的时候，我经常被同学欺负，我当时有点胖，他们给我起了个外号叫“香肠娃”我现在都记得，有一天，一个爱欺负我的同学把我的鞋子脱了，我跟着他屁股后面追，想抢回我的鞋。在被嘲弄很久以后，我决定放弃追赶，我坐在了地下，装脚受伤了。
In fifth grade, I started growing faster than almost anyone else. I hit puberty early and was stronger than a lot of the other kids. Finally, the day came when I decided I had enough of the school bully. When he came to work me over for the millionth time, I punched him right in the face. I did a preemptive strike, laid him out, and that was that. I was not bullied again.
五年级的时候，我张的比我的同学快，青春期的提前到来使我的个子比很多孩子都大。雪耻的一天终于到了，那个老欺负的孩子又来烦我，我一拳打到他右边脸上。我的先发制人让他滚了蛋，就这样，我学校欺凌史终于结束。
That tactic might work fine on the playground, but I do not advise punching your bully’s lights out in the break room. When the bully is your boss or manager, you can’t simply “stand up” to him or her, because doing so means you’ll either lose your job or this approach will make matters worse. Instead, here’s what I suggest you do:
这样的策略在学校是可以的，我却绝对不会建议你用拳头还击职场上欺压你的人。如果在职场上欺负你的那个人是你的老板或经理，你不能只是简单地在他们面前“拍案而起”，因为这样的后果就是你可能被开掉，或是让事情变得更糟。这是我建议你遇到职场霸王时，你应该做的：
First, know your rights. Most workplaces have clear policies about harassment. These policies outline the steps you can take to make complaints and initiate changes. (I am not saying you should do so yet, but the first step is to learn about the actions you can take.) If you wanted to talk with someone in Human Resources, find out who you can go to. (Please don’t tell me it’s your bully!)
第一步，知道你的权力 。很多单位对员工权益都会有明确的政策规定。政策会提示你该怎样投诉，怎样捍卫自己的权益。(我不是说你现在一定要这么做，但至少你要知道自己是可以有途径的)。如果你想找人力资源部投诉，明确你应该找谁讲。(不要跟我说人力资源部的那个人就是你头痛的职场霸王)
Second , document, document, document. Make a list of all the ways Fran is undermining your efforts. Make sure to keep track of who else observed her act this way (including who “observed” her email actions) and when possible use direct quotes, or copy and paste from emails that contain the behaviors in question. In order to demonstrate that Fran is bullying you, the burden is on you (unfortunately) to show a clear and consistent pattern of intimidation, and to demonstrate that you are the specific target.
第二步，采证、采证、采证 。记录职场霸王对你的所作所为。确保别人能开到职场霸王的劣迹(邮件也很重要)如果可以，尽量用直接证据，或是复印的原件。为了向相关方面反映你一直被欺压。
Third, who are your friends? When we deal with stressful events, there’s no doubt that friends can help. Tell your friends what’s up—share your thoughts and feelings with the people you trust. When you do so, you want to talk about how you’re being impacted by the event, but you also want to get advice on at least two key questions. For one, is this real? Am I over-reacting, or does Fran really seem to have it out for me? Secondly, what would you do if you were me? Ask for practical, solution-focused support from your friends to help you get new ideas.
第三步，朋友的帮助很重要 。当你面对这样沮丧的工作环境，把你的窘迫向你的知心朋友倾诉一番，同时，向你的朋友要征求两个意见：第一，你是不是小题大做，反应过激了点儿?或是说，你的同事是不是真的在针对你?第二，如果你是我，你会怎么做?从朋友那里得到可行的，针对新的解决方案，或是得到启发。
Fourth , go see Fran. Don’t do it reactively after one of her attacks, but do it proactively when the water is calm. One way to be strategic is to use what’s called a “one-down” approach in which you talk with Fran in a very deferential manner. Remember, you’re trying to get her off your back, not convince her she’s a bully. Be specific and be direct, for example, “Fran, thanks for meeting with me. I want to talk about my work assignments. I know you’re so swamped with everything and that there’s a lot of important stuff happening, but I feel like my assignments often come right at the end of the day and sometimes even at the end of the week, which makes planning anything really difficult when we’re on a deadline. Is there a way we could work things out to solve this problem? I hate to ask this of you because you’re the boss, but I am hoping we can think of a good solution together.”
第四步，找你工作中难为你的那个那个“弗兰”摊牌 。不要在起了冲突以后去找他/她谈。应该在风平浪静的时候摊牌。有个战略叫“胯下之辱”，所以去谈判的时候要谦卑一点。记住一点，你的目的是让他/她不要在背后搞你，而不是提醒他/她，他/她在欺负员工。谈判要具体直接，举个例子，你可以这么说“弗兰，谢谢你抽时间见我，我想谈谈我的工作。 我知道你和很多领导每天都很忙，要处理很多工作，但我接到的工作很多时候都很晚，这让我每次都完成的有点赶。可不可以我们想想，把这个问题解决一下?您是老板，我这么讲可能不合适，但我也想配合您把工作尽量做到最好。
Fifth , repeat step four. I don’t mean this to be coy or even funny, but I assume that change won’t come quickly. The next time Fran gives you a work assignment at 4:45 p.m., ask her about it directly and ask her if there’s any way it can be delayed given your earlier conversation.
第五步，重复第四步 。我没有恶搞的意思，但我估计，“弗兰”不会很快就改变他的作风，所以，下一次“弗兰”再将工作很迟交给你时，直接问她/他可不可以考虑一下以前你的提议。
If the first five steps fail to make any improvement in your situation, I have two final suggestions . The sixth step is to return to Fran once again and to be even more direct (as direct as you can be without getting fired). Proceed cautiously as you think about what to do; once you go this route, there’s no turning back. Try this: “Thanks for seeing me again, Fran. I was hoping things would change based on our earlier conversations, but I feel like perhaps things have gotten a bit worse. Here’s the deal: I feel like you really don’t like me, and that I’ve done something to offend you in a pretty fundamental way. As a result, I think you’re angry at me most of the time and that you try to make it clear to me how you feel quite a lot. So, I am here to find out why you’re so upset with me and what we can do to make it better.”
如果前五步对你和“弗兰”的关系都没有改善，我只能使出杀手锏。 第六步 ，你还得找到“弗兰”，然后更直接地告诉他/她你的想法(直接的限度就是你不能让你自己给炒鱿鱼了)。要做这一步，你必须想清楚，一旦做了，就没有回头路了。可以这么跟他/她说“谢谢你抽空见我，我希望我们的工作会因为之前的会面而改善，但却没有。我觉得你是很不满意我的工作，我想是不是我哪里没做好得罪了你。所以很多工作中让你有很多不满意。我今天来就是想问问你，我是哪一点做的不好，希望以后的工作里，我们能改善关系。”
After you say your piece, just stop. Listen. What does Fran have to say? She’s going to do one of two things. She’ll either tell you that you’re crazy and chew you out even more, of if she has any brains whatsoever, she’ll back the hell down. If she goes crazy, proceed immediately to the next step. If she finally hears you—perhaps only after you give her a glimpse of the evidence—then there’s a real chance for some change. Now, you’re in the driver’s seat.
说完了以后，你就不要再讲什么，听他/她怎么说。“弗兰”这时会怎样反应?他/她无非会最以下举动，他/她会告诉你，你想多了，然后解释一番。如果他/她还会用大脑思考，从此以后会有所收敛。但是。如果他/她在这时还是不讲理，你就必须赶快走出最后一步棋子。让他/她看到你收集的所有他/她在工作中欺凌你的证据，也许这样，这个“弗兰”才会真正听进去你说你，你也从新掌握了主动权。
Last step: Go over Fran’s head. Most workplaces take these kinds of issues very seriously, and you need to remember that Fran has a lot to lose by continually harassing you. Think about the best person to speak to. If you go over her head but find an ineffective leader, you risk making her even more upset. Once you start up the chain of command, you need to go as far up as needed until you find someone who will be a real ally. You need Fran’s boss to indicate to her directly that anything short of a complete change of attitude is unacceptable.
最后一步 ，向上级反映。一般来讲，单位会对这种职场欺压的案件很重视，你要知道，“弗兰”对你的骚扰也会让他/她自己有所损失，搞明白哪个上级是你最好的投诉对象，如果你找到的上级不能很有效的处理这件事，你可能会让“弗兰”对你的成见更深。一旦你走上投诉的路，你一定要尽量找到真正能为你讲话的人。这个人能直接告诉“弗兰”如果他/她不转变态度，后果会很严重。
Find someone who can sit you both down together and help you air your grievances, then set a plan for moving forward. Remember, as much as you want Fran to suffer, you goal is simply to get her off your back and get on with your work. If there’s a way for Fran’s boss to help “solve” the situation without actually punishing her, this would be best. It won’t fulfill your sense of cosmic justice or need for revenge, but it will lead to more harmony, and that’s the most important thing in the end.
找上级可以安顿你和“弗兰”的工作关系，同时也可以安抚你，让你对“弗兰”的怨气烟消云散。然后安心工作。记住，你的目标是摆脱“弗兰”的骚扰，从此好好工作，如果上级解决你们的问题时并没有惩罚“弗兰”的所作所为，那是最好的结果。你不需要觉得正义被伸张了，或是报仇了。只需要更多的和谐，这才是最重要的。
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