如何做一名好的倾听者？

It hard to have a conversation these days. Everyone is so distracted.

如今的社会想要安心交谈很难。大家都思想不集中。

Interruptions, multi-tasking, and technology distract us from having even the simplest of conversations. How do you ensure that you are present when you are having a conversation?

各种干扰、同时处理多项任务和一些科技产品让我们不能安心交谈，甚至最简短的交谈也不例外。你怎么能保证交谈时心无旁骛?

I once worked for a boss that wasn’t a good listener. One day, I was in his office for a one-on-one meeting. Before the meeting even got started his phone rang, and he proceeded to talk to a friend for 10 minutes while I sat there. A few minutes into the meeting his was reading incoming emails on his computer screen. Then, a couple of minutes later a colleague appeared in the doorway. Instead of saying he was busy, he proceeded to discuss his weekend adventures.

我以前的一个老板就不是一个善于倾听的人。有一天，我在他办公室与他一对一交谈。在交谈开始前他的电话就响了，他跟朋友一直聊了10分钟，而我坐在那儿等。交谈开始后的几分钟里，他一直盯着电脑屏幕，阅读接收到的邮件。又过了几分钟 一位同事出现在门口。他没有说他在忙，而是转入关于周末探险的讨论。

How would this situation make you feel? “Don’t let the phone, interruptions, or other work take precedence over the person sitting front of you.”

这让你产生什么感觉?“别让电话、其他人或其他工作优先于坐在你面前的这个人。”

Of course, I didn’t feel like sharing anything else. How could I compete with all those other interruptions. It felt like anything I was saying was third-rate.

我当然不愿意在与他分享其他事情。任何干扰都可以打断交谈!这让我有种感觉，我说得任何事情都不值一提。

When someone is speaking with you, they want to be heard. Make sure you give them your full attention. Here are 10 Ways to “Be Present” and be a better Listener:

当有人跟你说话时，他们希望你倾听，一定要给予他们你全部的注意力。10种方式教你“不缺席”，做一个更好的倾听者。

1. Body Language

肢体语言

Don’t underestimate the power of body language. What you do with your body while you are in a conversation says much more than any words. As much as 80% of what we convey in a conversation is non-verbal. Face the other person. Present an open posture. A little body language goes a long way.

千万不要低估肢体语言的威力。交谈时，肢体动作透露出的信息远远胜过你的话语。交谈中，高达80%的信息传递是非语言的。正视对方，摆出开诚布公的姿态，一点细微的肢体语言都影响深远。

2. Listen

倾听

Listen, plain and simple. Nothing stops a conversation colder than, “Could you repeat that?” Listen like you were going to have to repeat back to them what they have told you.

倾听，就这么简单。“你再说一遍好吗?”这样的分神会令说话者最受伤。倾听，好像你将不得不把他们所说的话再复述给他们一样。

3. Acknowledge

认同

We need signs that we are being heard. Conversation cues and acknowledgements are part of how we communicate. If you doubt this, the next time you are on a phone call simply stop making any noise while the other person is speaking. Within a few moments the other person will stop and ask, “Are you still there?”

我们需要被听到的反馈。话题脉络和对谈话内容的认同，是我们交流的组成部分。如果你不相信，下次你打电话时，对方说话，你保持悄无声息。很快，对方将会停下来，问：“你还在吗?”

4. Don’t Sit Across the Desk

不要隔桌而坐

Sitting across the desk puts a barrier between you and who you are meeting with. Come out from behind your desk and meet. A small meeting table is always better than the “wall” that a desk presents.

隔桌而坐，这张办公桌会成为你和对方沟通的阻碍。从办公桌后走出来，靠近对方。小型会议桌总是好过办公桌这堵“墙”。

5. Make Them Your Top Priority

把他们放在首位

When you are listening to someone, don’t take calls or let someone else who walks up take precedence over the current conversation. When you are with someone, make them priority.

当你倾听某人时，不要接电话，也不要让走过前来的其他人打断你们的交谈。当你和某人在一起时，请重视他们。

6. Repeat, Don’t Refute

重复，不要反驳

When someone is telling you their story, they aren’t looking for you to interrupt with analysis or suggestions. Hear them out. Repeat back to them what you heard. You can put on your “fix it” hat later. (Only if asked!)

当有人向你讲述他们的故事时，他们不希望你打断他，作分析、提建议。听他们说完，重复你听到的内容，最后你可以作补充(只是在对方要求你的情况下)。

7. Don’t Do Other Work

放下其他工作

In our busy technology driven world, it is tempting to send off that quick text or answer that email. Don’t. People can tell when you are doing something else. You may think it is a brief task, but it tells the other person that you have more important work to do. This is not the time to multi-task.

在如今这个被科技所驱使的忙碌世界里，发一条短信回复一封邮件很诱人。不要这样做，人们能感觉到你在忙别的事情。你可能认为，这是长话短说的事情，但其他人会理解为有更重要的工作在等你。这不是多项工作一起做的时候。

8. Put the Cell Phone Down

放下手机

We give our phones too much control over us. We jump any time they ring, beep, or buzz. So, silence your phone. Turn it off or put it in a drawer. Better yet, “Stop having an affair with your smartphone.”

手机牵着我们的鼻子走，手机一响，不论嘟嘟还是嗡嗡，我们都会一跃而起。所以让手机安静一会儿，关掉它或把它丢进抽屉里。最好“不要与你的智能手机扯不清理还乱”。

9. Question

提问

Ask questions to show that you care and that you are in the conversation. Don’t go into interrogation mode. Ask interest questions like, “What happened next?” or “How did you feel then?”

问问题表示，你关心谈话的内容，而且你的思想就在交谈中。不要误入审问模式。问表示关心的问题，如：“接下来呢?”或“你当时什么感觉?”

10. Thank Them

表示感谢

After a conversation, say “Thank you for talking to me.” You don’t have to provide an answer or magical solution. Often, the other person just wants to be heard and acknowledged. Be there for them and just listen.

交谈结束后，说“谢谢你与我交谈”。你不必提供答案或奇妙的解决方案。对方常常只希望被倾听被认同，在他们身边仅仅倾听就够了。

When you are speaking with someone, be in the moment. Give them your full attention. Don’t let interruptions stop the conversation. Be present. Turn off the tech. And just listen. You may just make the other person feel like your top priority.

和某人交谈时，要排除干扰。给他们你全部的注意力，不要让干扰中断交谈。不分心，关掉高科技产品，静心倾听。你会让对方感觉到你最重视他。