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麦格劳-希尔英语写作大赛作品及专家点评（...

发布时间：2013-06-10 编辑：查字典英语网小编

参赛作品：
Never too late to learn

“Ordinary people merely think how they shall spend their time; a man of talent tries to use it.” If we concentrate on our learning we will catch the time in our lives.

Most of us may say that “ I don’t have time to study.” “ I have to take care of my baby and my parents.” “ I have to prepare my lessons in order to have a wonderful class.” “ I have to do lots of housework and cook for my family.” Because of the busy life we may have little time to keep going. But to choose time is to save time. Everyone has 24 hours a day, why some people are successeful and the others are commen? The most important thing is how to use your time. Firstly, we can say goodby to TV and computer games and make a plan for learning then depart your time into several parts. For instance, 6:00-7:00 Reading English. 10:00-10:20 Wrinting a short passage. And for more you have to write your scheme down and stick it on an obvious place that you can see it everyday, that can help you to obey your plan. And then do what you write on the sheet. When you do this above ,you will find that you have a lot of time and you can do what you want to do. Reading books is a good choice. The more you study , the most you will know what you don’t know. thus you will be interested in learning day by day. Secondly, most of us are married, may be you have a baby, you can spare some time with your baby. You will find that not all the knowledge for your baby you can know, I found that I don’t know all the names of the fruit on my baby’s book. Everytime I find a new word I will look up it in the dictionary and take notes then try to remember it. My daughter likes to learn with me though she is only one and a half years old. So when we study with our babies we can effect them. They will love studying and have a good habit for learning .Your baby will think that you care about her/him. And you will learn something new. I felt the same way, this summer I take part in a course, when I am reading ,my daughter will come to me and point to the book and say something just like “ xuexi” the chinese meaning of learning , I was so excited , that must have good effects to her. Thirdly, there are millions of students who graduated from the univercity every year. They are the competitors to us who works at the schools. Most of them are post-graduate student. If we don’t study hard we will be knocked out some days.Of course we teachers are very busy and hardworking. But time is changed, the students love the teachers who can understand them. That means we should never stop learning. Learning new method of teaching. Learning new technology of teaching, and learning the new usage and new skills of English. In that way we can be a good teacher, We always have time enough , if we will but use it aright. We can buy some books about how to teach and how to teach well. We also can surf the internet, search some useful information,and learn some new processes of teaching. we have the summer holiday and winter holiday, so lucky. This three months we can take a lesson and learn something useful for us. Let your parents help you to look after your bady on the daytime. Try your best and may you succeed.

Time and tide wait for no man.From now on value your time.

点评

随着教育改革的深化，中学英语老师面临着不断提高自己教学水平和业务能力的压力，但是他们一般都工作繁忙，不少人还有老人和孩子都需要照料，哪里抽得出时间继续学习？本文针对这一群体普遍存在的现象，就此问题提出了颇有见地的看法。

此文最大的优点是内容充实、每个论点都以生活中诸多事实 (包括著者自己的经历) 佐证，摈弃了空洞无力的议论。此外文章的结构完整，层次清楚，有较得体的开头和简练的结尾，主体部分提出了三个论点，用恰当的转换词衔接，逐个分析说明，有相当的说服力。令人高兴的是文章的语言平实，所用的词语都是英语使用频率高，表达能力强的词汇，其中不乏生动的习语，如第二段中的 say good-bye to TV and computer games 和 we will be knocked out someday 等。

文章的不足之处也有三点，文章的主题 (thesis) 与其三个论点、论证各个论点的事例之间缺乏统一性 (unity)。主题，即作者要传递给读者的观点，一般由主题句 (thesis statement)在文章的开始表述出来, 也可隐含在文章之中。此文的主题明显包含在首句和结尾句中，即抓紧时间学习，充实自己。而此文三个论点中，只有第一个论点与此主题有关。三个论点之间似乎没有内在的联系，第一个论点是合理安排时间，第二个论点的中心思想不明确，是如何与孩子一起学习，还是强调自己学习对孩子成长的好处，两者都与本文的关系不大。而第三个论点好像转到了为什么要抓紧时间学习（因为有高学历的毕业生的加盟）。文中三个论点都缺少各自的段落主题句 (topic sentence)。语言使用方面也有些不足之处，如拼写错误，不规范的英语动词与宾语搭配，如effect them (children), to choose time (is to save time) 等。此外，文章的格式也有不太规范之处。这里就不遂一点评了。

综合来看，虽有一些不足之处，这仍是一篇不错的说明文。

文章的格式的主要问题：

1) 题目一般应该居中，除冠词 (a, an, the)，并列连词 (and, but, for, nor, or, so, yet)，介词 (in, of, to 等)，带有“to”的动词不定式，以及第一个及最后一个词的第一个字母要大写，如本文的题目书写的形式为：Never Too Late to Learn

2) 段落划分问题，第二段太长Firstly 之前的部分可与起始段合并，其它部分可分为三小段，分别用 Firstly. Secondly, Thirdly 或Finally 开始，每段阐述一个问题，这会使结构更清晰，便于读者明白作者的思路。

3) 文中引号后面不应空格，词与词之间，句与句之间要空格，句中逗号“，”之后也要空格。电子版的这些错误都用红色或绿色显示出来了，大家应利用Word文档的改错功能改正这些错误。

主要语言问题：（恕我不能指出并改正所有的错误，我的任务是点评）

1）基本拼写错误：successeful, commen, goodby, Wrinting, Everytime (Every time), Chinese, bady, univercity等。everyday (是形容词，文中应该用短语every day作状语)。

2）搭配问题；effect 作动词时意思是 “make something happen”，此处 “effect them” 可以改成 “…this can have a positive effect on our children”; 关于 “But to choose time is to save time.” 如果改成 Spend your time efficiently is saving time.

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