Q版的少年闰土

深蓝的天空中挂着一轮金黄的圆月，下面是海边的沙地，都种着一望无际的碧绿的西瓜。四四方方西瓜田的周围（提醒注意：四四方方是指瓜田而不是指西瓜），围着通了高压电的铁丝网。在四个角上，矗立着高高的t望塔，塔上的探照灯在瓜田里来回扫视，探照灯旁的四个狙击手满

There is a golden full moon in the dark blue sky, and the sand by the sea is below. There are endless green watermelons. Around the four square watermelon field (Note: four square refers to the melon field rather than the watermelon), surrounded by a high-voltage wire mesh. On the four corners stands the tall t-watch tower. The searchlights on the tower scan the melon fields. The four snipers beside the searchlights are full

头大汗，紧紧地抱着阻击**，在大团的飞蛾群中，纹丝不动，聚精会神地打着扑克。

The head is sweating, holding tightly to block * *, in the large group of moths, motionless, focused on playing poker.

这时，在瓜田边阴暗处的野地里，窜出来一匹状如小狗，染着红头发，脸上有刀疤，看起来十分凶猛的小兽。它往四下里张望了一番，抬起头来看看铁丝网上挂着的“欢迎参观，獾猪、刺猬和猹不得入内”的牌子，龇着牙冷冷地一笑，沿着铁丝网一溜小跑，哧溜一下就从一个窟窿里钻进瓜田去了。

At this time, in the shady field near the melon field, a small animal, like a dog, with red hair and scar on its face, appeared to be very fierce. He looked around, looked up at the sign "welcome to visit, badger, pig, hedgehog and dog are not allowed to enter" hanging on the barbed wire, grinned coldly, ran along the barbed wire, and then slipped into the melon field from a hole.

片刻之后，这只猹拖着圆滚滚的肚子，摇摇晃晃地往瓜田外爬去。它心满意足地打着饱嗝，享受着满肚子的西瓜隔着肚皮和地面碰撞的感觉（它还真是秀逗咧！这有什么好享受的？）。它全然没有发现，自己已经大——祸——临——头哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦。

A moment later, the dog dragged its round belly and waddled to the outside of the melon field. It burps contentedly and enjoys the feeling of watermelon bumping against the ground across its belly (it's really funny! What is there to enjoy. It didn't find out at all that it was already in trouble.

眼前的月光忽然消失，猹抬头一看，惊恐地发现一个黑色的身影挡在身前。硕大的月亮在他身后，为他笼上了一层神秘的银光。

The moonlight suddenly disappeared in front of him. He looked up and saw a black figure in front of him in horror. The huge moon behind him, caged a layer of mysterious silver light for him.

“你，你是！”猹惊恐地叫道，忽然想起来人类听不懂它的语言。

"You, you are!" Cried he in horror, suddenly remembering that man could not understand its language.

那个梳背头，戴墨镜的人缓缓地掀开黑色风衣的衣襟，从风衣里，掏出了一把二尺来长，银光闪闪的钢叉！

The man who combed his back and wore sunglasses slowly lifted the lapel of the black windbreaker, and took out a two foot long, silvery steel fork from the windbreaker!

“吱——”猹凄厉地叫着，努力地拨拉着四肢，想从这人面前逃开。可是，它，实在是，吃了太多的西瓜。沉甸甸的肚皮把它拽在了原地，它只好眼睁睁地看着那人手中的钢叉妖异地映着月光，无情地落下，落下，落下，落下，落下……

"Zhi --" he cried bitterly, trying to pull his limbs to escape from the man. But, it, really, ate too many watermelons. Heavy belly pulled it in place, it had to watch the steel fork demon in the man's hand reflect the moonlight, mercilessly fall, fall, fall, fall

“啪！”

"Pat!"

“啊哟！”

"Ahhh!"

“你抽筋啦？这钢叉怎么刺了半天还刺不下去？”

"You have a cramp? Why can't this steel fork go down after stabbing for a long time? "

“慢动作嘛！这时候应该以我为中心三百六十度摇镜头的！”

"Slow down! At this time, I should be the center of the 360 degree camera! "

“摇你个头啦！那只猹呢？”

"Shake your head! What about that one? "

“啊？猹呢？”

"Ah? What about it? "

“当然早跑啦！”

"Of course, it's early!"

“怎么跑的？”

"How did you run?"

“那猹将身一扭，反从你的胯下逃走了！”

"He turned around and ran away from your crotch!"

“哦？老爸你说得真是生动，可不可以再来一遍？”

"Oh? Dad, you are so vivid. Can you do it again? "

“那猹将身一扭，反从你的胯下逃走了！”

"He turned around and ran away from your crotch!"

“什么？穿裆？守门员的奇耻大辱啊！哇！我不活了！”

"What? Wear crotch? The goalkeeper's disgrace! WOW! I don't live! "

这个被穿裆的少年就是闰土。我认识他时，也不过十多岁，离现在将有三十年了；那时我的父亲还在世（父亲：什嘛？难道我现在已经挂了？）当然，现在他还在世，家境也好，我正是一个少爷。（父亲：那我就是一个老爷了！哈哈哈哈！）

The boy in the crotch is leap earth. When I knew him, I was only a teenager, thirty years from now, when my father was still alive? Have I hung up now Of course, he is still alive, and his family is good. I am just a young master. Father: then I am a master! Hahahaha!)

旺财！麻烦你陪老太爷看戏去吧！不到天黑不准回来！

Wang Cai! Please accompany the old man to the theatre! Don't come back until dark!

好吧，继续。话说那一年，我家正是一场大型公会战的总指挥部。这公会战，说是整个区里所有的高段玩家都会出场，还有神秘宝物现身，所以很是郑重。开战之前做准备，装备很多，道具也很讲究，来参战的人也很多。那些好东东要保护好防止被人偷去，或是间谍前来破坏。

OK, go ahead. In that year, my family was the headquarters of a large guild war. This guild battle means that all high-level players in the whole district will appear and mysterious treasures will appear, so it is very solemn. Before the war, we had a lot of equipment and props. There were many people coming to the war. Those good things should be protected from being stolen or spies coming to destroy them.

我家只有一小队战士（我们这里打仗的分三种：用法术攻击的叫法师，用弓箭的叫弓箭手，直接拿刀砍的叫战士——显然这是废话，不用说你也明白），忙不过来。我家那个战士小队长就对父亲说，可以叫他的儿子闰土来负责管装备的。

There is only a small group of soldiers in my family (there are three types of fighting here: the one who attacks with magic is called a mage, the one who uses bows and arrows is called an archer, and the one who directly takes a knife is called a soldier - obviously this is nonsense, you don't have to say you understand it). I can't get busy. The captain of my family said to his father that his son, leap earth, could be in charge of the equipment.

我的父亲允许了，我也很高兴，因为我早就听到“闰土”这个名字，而且知道他和我差不多年纪，闰月生的，五行缺土，所以他的父亲叫他闰土。

My father allowed it, and I'm very happy, because I've heard the name "leap earth" for a long time, and I know that he is about my age, born on the leap moon, and the five elements lack soil, so his father called him leap earth.

我对父亲说：“老爹，我八月生的，从小就缺零花钱用，显然是五行缺金，那我为什么不叫八金？”

I said to my father, "Dad, I was born in August. I was short of pocket money since I was a child. Obviously, I was short of money in five elements. Why don't I call it Bajin?"

我爹叹了口气，拍拍我的头说：“孩子，你看你像是会写《家》《春》《秋》的人吗？还是安心写你的《Q版语文教材》吧！”

My father sighed, patted me on the head and said: "my child, do you think you are a person who can write" home "," spring "," autumn "? It's better to write your "Q version of Chinese textbook" at ease! "

我顶了一句，结果被老爹暴打了一顿，我说：“老爸，你一定五行缺德吧！”

I said, "Dad, you must have five elements of immorality!"

我于是日日盼开战，一开打，闰土也就会到了。好容易等到了双方宣战，有一天，母亲告诉我，闰土来了，我便飞跑着过去看。他正在厨房里，紫色的圆脸，头戴一顶小毡帽，颈上套一个明晃晃的银项圈。

So I look forward to war day by day. Once I start fighting, leap soil will arrive. It was so easy to wait until the two sides declared war. One day, my mother told me that when leap earth came, I ran to see it. He was in the kitchen, with a round purple face, a small felt hat on his head, and a bright silver collar around his neck.

我兴高采烈地说：“你好，你就是闰土吧？你脖子上的银项圈是你爹怕你得大脖子病才套上去的吗？”

I said happily, "Hello, are you leap soil? Is the silver collar on your neck worn by your father because he is afraid that you will have a big neck disease? "

闰土面无表情地看着我，鼓着腮帮子，一声不吭。

Leap earth looks at me expressionless, puffing his cheeks and saying nothing.

我想，哇咧，一个种西瓜的，居然这么酷！顿时一股敬佩之情油然而生。

I think, wow, a watermelon grower is so cool! Suddenly a feeling of admiration came into being.

过了半晌，闰土咕嘟一声，喉头大动了一下，长出了一口气。

After a while, leap earth growled, his throat moved a lot, and he took a breath.

我心中疑惑，不晓得他在搞什么飞机，莫非是在练蛤蟆功不成？

I wonder in my heart, I don't know what kind of plane he is engaged in. Is it because he is practicing toad skill?

闰土见我傻呆呆地站在原地，过来拍拍我肩膀，用低沉的声音说：“别告诉我老爹我偷吃厨房里的东西，要不然——哼，哼，哼！”

Leap earth saw me standing in the same place, came and patted me on the shoulder, and said in a low voice, "don't tell my dad I'm stealing from the kitchen, or - hum, hum!"

他阴森森地盯着我，冷不丁打了一个饱嗝。

He stared at me with a heavy, cold burp.

第二天，我便要闰土捕鸟。

The next day, I will catch birds in leap soil.

闰土说：“捕鸟？厨房里那么多吃的，还要捕鸟干什么？”

Leap Earth said: "birding? What else do you want to catch birds for eating so much in the kitchen? "

我只好说，因为仓库里存的秕谷太多，需要找一批鸟来把它吃掉；因为怕它们偷懒吃得不够快，所以要把它们集中起来，由专人看管着吃。

I have to say that because there are too many pitiful grains in the warehouse, we need to find a group of birds to eat them; because we are afraid that they will not eat fast enough to be lazy, we need to gather them and have them supervised by special personnel.

闰土像看恐龙一般看了我半天，摇摇头说：“这不能，需要等下了大雪才好。我们沙地上，下了雪，我扫出一块空地来，用短棒支起一个大竹匾，撒下秕谷，看鸟雀来吃的时候，我远远地将缚在棒上的绳子只一拉，那鸟雀就罩在竹匾下了。什么都有：稻鸡，角鸡，鹁鸪，蓝背，老鹰，海鸥，翼龙，始祖鸟，反正只要是飞的都能抓着，说不定能抓着超人。”

Leap earth looked at me like a dinosaur for half a day, shook his head and said, "this can't be done. It needs to wait for the heavy snow. When it snowed in our sandy land, I swept out a clearing, propped up a big bamboo board with a short stick, and scattered the grain of chaff. When the birds came to eat, I pulled the rope attached to the stick from afar, and the birds covered the bamboo board. Everything has: rice chicken, horned chicken, dove, blue back, eagle, seagull, pterosaur, Archaeopteryx. Anyway, as long as they are flying, they can catch Superman

“然后呢？”

"And then?"

“然后鸟雀顶着竹匾就跑了。”

"Then the bird ran away with the bamboo plaque on its head."

我当即大faint了一个，强忍着吐血的冲动，说：“为什么不搞一个重一点儿的匾呢？换成铁锅也好啊！”

I immediately had a big family, and I tried to resist the urge to spit blood and said, "why don't you make a heavier plaque? It's better to replace it with an iron pot! "

闰土摇摇头说：“不行，假如太重了，会压坏鸟的。”

Leap earth shook his head and said, "no, if it is too heavy, it will crush the birds."

我心中惭愧，说：“想不到你还是个爱护小动物的人。”

I was ashamed and said, "I didn't think you were a person who cared for small animals."

闰土点点头，说：“那当然。要是压成血肉模糊的一团，做起菜来也不好看。”

Leap soil nodded and said, "of course. If you press it into a bloody mess, it's not good to cook. "

我于是又很盼望下雪，可我又怕雪地里跟闰土两个人追着一个竹匾跑，会被众人笑话。我暗暗下定决心，到时候我假装跌跤，让闰土一个人去追好了。

So I was looking forward to snow, but I was afraid that two people in the snow and leap earth would run after a bamboo plaque, which would be laughed at by everyone. I secretly made up my mind that I would pretend to fall and let Runtu catch up with me alone.

闰土又对我说：“现在太冷，你夏天到我们那里去。我们日里到海边大排档吃海鲜去，浅海的深海的都有，龙虾也有，扇贝也有。晚上我和爹管西瓜去，你也去。”

Leap Earth said to me: "it's too cold now. You come to us in summer. We go to sea food stalls every day to eat seafood. There are all kinds of seafood in the shallow sea, including lobsters and scallops. In the evening, my father and I will take care of the watermelon, so will you. "

“管贼吗？”

"In charge of thieves?"

“不是。走路的人口渴了摘一个瓜吃，我们这里是不算偷的。我们是新一代量贩式自助瓜田，到了里边你随便吃，只要出门的时候结账就行。”

"No. The walkers are thirsty and pick a melon to eat. We don't steal it here. We are a new generation of self-help melon fields, where you can eat at will, as long as you check out when you go out. "

“怎么结账呢？”

"How can I check out?"

“按斤算。瓜田门口有自动体重计，把出来时的体重减去进去时的体重，就是他吃掉的西瓜的分量了。”

"By Jin. There is an automatic weight meter at the gate of the melon field. The weight of the watermelon he ate is the weight of the weight he lost when he came out. "

“那假如他吃完了就嘘嘘呢？”

"And if he finishes, shush?"

“那就更好了，因为在瓜田里嘘嘘，抓到了就罚一百。”

"That's better, because in the melon field, shush, catch a hundred."

“那要是他进去的时候藏两块石头在包里，出门前丢掉呢？”闰土低头想了一想，凑到我耳朵旁边来，说：“你要是敢把这办法教给别人，我就飞腿踢你个头。”

"What if he hid two stones in his bag and threw them away before going out?" Leap earth bowed his head for a moment, came close to my ear and said, "if you dare to teach this method to others, I will kick you in the head."

我哈哈大笑，口说“岂敢岂敢”，背后冷汗哗哗地流了下来。于是我赶紧岔开话题说：“那管西瓜就是做收银员工作吗？”

I laughed and said, "how dare you?" behind me, I was sweating and shouting. So I quickly turned the topic and said, "is watermelon the job of cashier?"

“不是，要管的是獾猪、刺猬，猹。那些家伙不带钱，又不穿衣服，吃了就跑，逮到了也没辙。所以要千万小心，不能让它们捡了便宜。月亮底下，你听，啦啦地响了，猹在咬瓜了。你便捏了钢叉，轻轻地走去……”

"No, it's badgers, hedgehogs and mongrels. Those guys don't have money, they don't wear clothes, they eat and run, and there's no way to catch them. So be careful not to let them pick up cheaply. Under the moon, you listen, it's cheering, it's biting melon. You then pinched the steel fork and walked gently... "

我那时并不知道这所谓猹是怎么一个东东——就算现在也没有知道——只是无端地觉得状如小狗而且脸上有刀疤，兴许还染了头发，一看就是个狠角色。

At that time, I didn't know how the so-called mongrel was - even now - just felt like a dog without any reason, with scars on his face, maybe dyed his hair, and looked like a tough character.

“它不咬人吗？”

"Does it not bite?"

“有钢叉呢。走到了，看见猹了，你‘啊哒’一声便刺。这畜生很伶俐，倒向你奔过来，反从胯下窜了。”

"There are steel forks. When I get there, I see Zhuo, and you prick with a sound of "Ah Da". This beast is very clever. He ran to you and ran from the crotch instead. "

“穿裆？你被它穿过么？”

"Wear crotch? Are you through it? "

闰土忽然间神情尴尬起来，紫色的圆脸拉得跟长条茄子一般。过了好半天，他的脸才慢慢恢复了原状，用平静的语气继续说：“它的皮毛，是油一般的滑……”

Leap earth suddenly looks embarrassed, purple round face pull with long eggplant general. After a long time, his face slowly returned to its original state, and he continued in a calm voice: "its fur is oily and slippery..."

我素不知道天下有这许多新鲜事：吃生鱼片的时候要加冲鼻子的芥末；西瓜被放在量贩式自助的瓜田里卖，吃之前还要称体重，我先前单知道它在水果店里出卖罢了。

I don't know that there are many new things in the world: when you eat sashimi, you need to add mustard with a strong nose; watermelon is sold in the self-help melon field of the mass selling style, and you need to weigh yourself before you eat it. I only knew that it was sold in the fruit shop.

“我们沙地里，潮汛要来的时候，就有好多来海边游泳的人狂跑，都穿着比基尼的泳装……”

"In the sand, when the tide is coming, there are many people who come to the seaside to swim, all wearing bikini swimsuits..."

啊！闰土的心里有无穷无尽的希奇的事，都是我往常的朋友所不知道的。他们不知道一些事，闰土在吃海鲜的时候，他们都和我一样，在四面高墙的院子里练习基本剑术和初级火系魔法。

Ah! There are endless strange things in leap earth's heart that my usual friends don't know. They don't know something. When they eat seafood, they all practice basic swordsmanship and primary fire magic in the courtyard with high walls.

可惜公会战终于打完了，闰土须回家里去，我急得大哭，他也躲到厨房里，哭着不肯出门，但终于被他父亲用攻城车拆掉了厨房，强行带走了。他后来还托他的父亲带给我一对大龙虾和几串很好吃的烤麻雀，我也曾送他几次东西，但是每次都被闰土退了回来，并且很有礼貌地附信说：“你有这份心意我就很满足了，至于煤气费水费电话费的账单，就不用给我寄来了吧……”

It's a pity that the guild war is over at last. Leap earth has to go home. I cry so hard that he hides in the kitchen and refuses to go out. But his father finally demolishes the kitchen with the siege vehicle and forcibly takes it away. Later, he asked his father to bring me a pair of crayfish and some delicious roasted sparrows. I also sent him something several times, but every time he was returned by leap earth, and politely attached a letter saying, "I'm very satisfied with your intention. As for the bill of gas, water and telephone, don't send it to me..."