让陌生人迅速相爱的36个问题

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

曼迪·莱恩·卡特隆(Mandy Len Catron)为“现代爱情”专栏写了一篇文章《如何快速与陌生人相爱》，她在文中提到心理学家阿瑟·亚伦(Arthur Aron)等人的研究成果：两个陌生人之间的亲密关系或许可以通过彼此询问一些特别的个人化问题而快速升温。这36个问题分为三组，一组比一组来得寻根究底。

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

这个理论的核心是，共同的脆弱能促进亲近感。这项研究的作者们称：“同伴之间发展亲密关系的关键模式在于持续、逐步升级、相互且个人化的袒露自我。”允许自己和另一个人共享脆弱可能非常困难，下面这个练习能迫使你做到这一点。

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

卡特隆和她的朋友在文中尝试的最后一件事是彼此对视四分钟，这个过程没有被详细记录（其实可以从两分钟到四分钟不等）。但是卡特隆毫不迟疑地推荐这件事。“两分钟的效果已经很惊人了，”她告诉我，“四分钟真的非常有效。”

Set I

第一组

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

1. 如果可以在世界上所有人种任意选择，你想邀请谁共进晚餐？

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

2. 你想成名吗？想以什么方式成名？

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

3. 打电话之前你会先排练一下要说什么吗，为什么？

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

4. 对你来说，“完美”的一天是什么样的？

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

5. 你上次自己唱起歌来是在什么时候，给别人唱呢？

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

6. 如果你能活到90岁，同时可以一直保持30岁时的心智或身体，你会选择保持哪一种呢，心智还是身体？

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

7. 你是否曾经秘密地预感到自己会以怎样的方式死去？

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

8. 说出三件你和你的伴侣看上去相同的特征。

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

9. 人生中的什么东西最令你感激？

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

10. 如果你能改变被抚养成人过程中的一件事，会是哪一件。

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

11. 花四分钟时间，尽可能详细告诉伴侣你的人生经历。

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

12.如果你明天一觉醒来就能拥有某种才能或能力，你希望那会是什么能力呢？

Set II

第二组

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

13. 如果有一个水晶球可以告诉你关于自己、人生，未来乃至任何事情的真相，你会想知道吗？

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

14. 有没有什么事是你一直梦想去做而没有去做的，为什么没有做？

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

15. 你人生中最大的成就是什么？

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

16. 在一段友谊之中你最珍视的是什么？

17. What is your most treasured memory?

17. 你最宝贵的记忆是什么？

18. What is your most terrible memory?

18. 你最糟糕的记忆是什么？

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

19. 假如你知道自己在一年内就会突然死去，你会改变现在的生活方式吗？为什么？

20. What does friendship mean to you?

20. 友谊对于你来说意味着什么？

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

21. 爱与情感在你生活中扮演着什么样的角色？

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

22. 和你的伴侣轮流说出心目中对方的一个好品质，每人说五条。

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

23. 你的家人之间关系是否亲密而温暖，你觉得自己的童年比其他人更快乐吗？

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

24. 你和母亲之间的关系是怎样的？

Set III

第三组

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

25. 每人用“我们”造三个句子，并含有实际情况，比如“我们俩在屋子里，感觉……”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

26. 补完这个句子：“我希望和某人在一起，分享……”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

27. 如果你想和对方成为亲近的朋友，请告诉对方有什么重要的事情是他或她需要知道 的。

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

28. 告诉对方你喜欢他或她身上的什么东西，要非常诚实，说些你不会对萍水之交说的东西。

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

29. 和对方分享生命中那些尴尬的时刻。

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

30. 你上次在别人面前哭是什么时候？自己哭呢？

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

31. 告诉对方，你已经喜欢上了他或她身上的什么品质。

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

32. 你觉得什么东西是严肃到不能开玩笑的，假如有的话。

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

33. 如果你今晚就将死去，而且没有机会同任何人联络，你会因为之前没有对别人说什么话而感到遗憾，你为什么到现在都没有对他们说这些话呢？

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

34. 假设你拥有的全部东西都在你的房子里，现在房子着了火，救出家人和宠物之后，你还有机会安全地冲进去最后一次，取出最后一件东西，你会拿什么，为什么？

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

35. 你的家人中，谁去世了会令你最难过，为什么？

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

36. 说出一件你的个人问题，问对方如果遇到此事要如何解决。另外，也要让对方如实告诉你，在他或她眼中，你对于这个问题的感受是怎样的。