The life I desired
我所追求的生活
That must be the story of innumerable couples，and the pattern of lifeof life it offers has a homely grace.It reminds you of a placid rivulet，meandering smoohtly through green pastures and shaded by pleasant trees，till at last it falls into the vasty sea；but the sea is so calm，so silent，so infifferent，that you are troubled suddently by a vague uneasiness.Perhaps it is only by a kink in my nature，strong in me even in those days，that i felt in such an existence，the share of the great majority，something amiss.I recognized its social value.I saw its ordered happiness，but a fever in my blood asked for a wilder course.There seemed to me something alarming in such easy delights.In my heart was desire to live more dangerously.I was not unprepared for jagged rocks and treacherous，shoals it I could only have change-change and the exicitement of unforeseen.
这一定是世间无数对夫妻的生活写照，这种生活模式给人一种天伦之美。它使人想起一条平静的溪流，蜿蜒畅游过绿茵的草场，浓荫遮蔽，最后注入烟波浩渺的汪洋大海；但是大海太过平静，太过沉默，太过不动声色，你会突然感到莫名的不安。也许这只是我自己的一种怪诞想法，在那样的时代，这想法对我影响很深：我觉得这像大多数人一样的生活，似乎欠缺了一点儿什么。我承认这种生活有社会价值，我也看到了它那井然有序的幸福，但我血液里的冲动却渴望一种更桀骜不驯的旅程。这样的安逸中好像有一种叫我惊惧不安的东西。我的心渴望一种更加惊险的生活。只要生活中还能有变迁———以及不可知的刺激，我愿意踏上怪石嶙峋的山崖，奔赴暗礁满布的海滩。