我是个努力奋斗的人 未婚妻不同意我买房

I am a striver and my fiancée is a creative free spirit. In the five years we have lived together, I have paid off my debts and built a stock portfolio big enough for a deposit on a house in London. She has a credit-card bill and hefty student loan. To be fair, she has quit jobs and moved country twice so I can pursue my career. I want to buy a house in an unfashionable but upcoming area while she prefers to rent somewhere trendier. My primary aim is matrimonial harmony: what should I do?

我是一个努力奋斗的人，我的未婚妻则是一个富有创造力、无拘无束的人。在我们一起生活的五年当中，我偿清了自己的债务，并积累起了一个股票投资组合，其规模足以支付在伦敦购买一栋房子的定金。未婚妻则背负着信用卡账单以及高昂的学生贷款债务。平心而论，她为了我能追寻自己的事业，曾经两次辞职并跨国迁移。我希望在一个并不时髦但前景看好的地段买一栋房子，而她想要在更时尚的地方租房居住。我的首要目标是和谐的婚姻关系：我应当怎么做？

Analyst, male, 32

分析师，男性，32岁

Lucy’s answer

露西的建议

If you have found a woman who will traipse around the world behind you while you further your career, and if, after all that traipsing, she is still a creative free spirit rather than a put-upon, resentful misanthrope, you have done well. Your investment in love has been even wiser than your investment in equities (which has also been pretty good, judging by the fact that you already have enough for a house deposit).

如果你找到了一个女人，她愿意跟在你的身后满世界跑，陪伴你发展自己的事业，而且如果在闯荡了一圈以后，她仍然是一个富有创造力的无拘无束的人，而不是一个满腹委屈、充满怨恨的厌世者，那么你确实做得不错。你在感情方面的投资比你在股票上的投资更加明智（当然你的股票投资也非常出色，因为你的投资组合规模已经足够支付购房定金了）。

You say your primary aim is matrimonial harmony. That is good. Keep reminding yourself of it. Then tell her not that you have capitulated but that you’ve changed your mind about the rent-versus-buy question. Tell her that she was right and you were wrong.

你说你的首要目标是婚姻和谐。这一点非常好。继续提醒自己牢记这一点。然后告诉你的未婚妻，你并不是举手投降，而是改变了在买房还是租房这一问题上的看法。告诉她说，她是对的，而你错了。

It is sheer madness to start your married life living somewhere horrible when you can afford to live somewhere nice. Maybe house prices will continue going up. Or maybe they won’t. Either way, the primary purpose of property isn’t as an investment. It is as a place to live. And if that place makes the person who is going to spend even more time there than you unhappy, it is a very bad idea indeed.

在你能够承担得起居住在更好地段的情况下，在一个糟糕的地方开始你的婚姻生活并不明智。或许房价会继续上涨，或许不会。但不管怎样，购买房产的主要目的不是作为一项投资，而是把它作为一个生活居住的地方。如果那个地方让你的未婚妻不开心，而且她待在房子里的时间比你更多，那么这无疑是一个非常糟糕的主意。

So rent somewhere fashionable, and do it with a light heart. It sounds as if during the day you do something quite dull, which is all the more reason to enjoy your evenings and weekends pretending to be someone cool as you flit around restaurants in Shoreditch (or wherever). As you do that, I suggest you look around you at the other people who live there. You’ll notice that there is hardly anyone over 40. That is because everyone older lives somewhere unfashionable and has a gigantic mortgage and children and is fretting about how to get them into a halfway decent school. That day will probably come for you – maybe even quite soon. But why pre-empt it, when it is so much more fun – and so much better for marital harmony – not to?

因此，找一个时尚的地段租套房子，并用一种轻松的心态来面对这件事。听起来似乎你白天所做的工作非常枯燥单调，这让你更有理由享受晚间以及周末的时光，比如假扮时尚人士在肖尔迪奇区(Shoreditch)这类餐馆林立的地区穿梭来去。在你这么做的时候，我建议你放眼四周看看在那里生活的其他人。你会看到很少有人超过40岁。这是因为年纪大一点的人都住在不时髦的地方，背负着沉重的抵押贷款债务和养育子女的压力，正在为了如何将子女送入一所大体说得过去的学校而愁眉不展。有一天或许你也会迎来这样的日子——甚至可能要不了多久。但为什么要提前过这样的生活，而不这么做将让你生活得更快乐，对于打造和谐的婚姻关系也更有好处？

It is possible that when you do buy somewhere you’ll have to put up with an even less fashionable area. But by then you’ll be earning more and your investments should have grown. So I think you and your new wife will do just fine.

也许，到了你真正买房的时候，你必须忍受一个更不时髦的地段。但那时你很可能会赚更多的钱，你的投资组合也会升值。因此我认为你和你的新婚妻子不会遇到什么问题。

Your advice

读者的建议

Buy and let

买房并出租

Buy the house, get tenants in and rent somewhere trendy to live yourselves. Wait a year if the mortgage conditions require. Maybe by then your fiancée will like the area and/or you’ve got a family on the way.

买下你看中的房子，招揽租客，另外租下某个时髦的地方自己住。如果抵押贷款条件要求的话你可能需要等待一年时间才能另行租房。或许到了那时你的未婚妻已经喜欢上了你们所住的地区，或者你们也即将迎来新生儿的降生。

Owner/renter, male

房东/房客，男性

Deserves better

她值得更好的对待

If you still think about such things in terms of my stock portfolio and her student loan and credit card bills, even after her relenting for your career ambitions, matrimonial harmony will not be forthcoming. She deserves better.

在她为你的职业发展做出迁就之后，如果你仍从你的股票投资组合、她的学生贷款和信用卡账单这样的角度来看待问题，那么你们可能很难实现和谐的婚姻关系。你应该对她好一点。

Anon, male

匿名，男性

Marry a poodle

跟一条贵宾犬结婚

Dump the fiancée and marry a poodle and your matrimonial harmony will be guaranteed.

跟未婚妻分手，和一条贵宾犬结婚，你所谓的和谐婚姻关系就一定能够实现了。

CEO, business association, New York

CEO，商业协会，纽约

Pay off her debt

为她清偿债务

So pay off her debts since you are so rich, do a prenuptial, get married, and work alongside her free spirit. Likely she is the one keeping you relevant when it comes to socialising, investing in art and keeping you out of your mole hole.

既然你有钱，那就替她把债务还了，签个婚前协议，然后结婚，在她的自由精神陪伴下工作生活。很可能她正是那个在社交场合或者艺术品投资方面使你保持参与其中的人，或许也正是她让你没有一直待在自己的鼹鼠洞里。

Anon

匿名

Her investment

她的牺牲

I moved countries numerous times and saw the damage it inflicted on relationships. In five years you have asked this woman to relocate twice. In each of those you stepped into a ready job, yet you seem to think that all of this was done by you alone, and that the significant investment on her part in changing environments, severing her networks and forsaking the opportunity for career advancement is her own problem only? If I was that woman I’d throw your sorry behind out on the street.

我曾数次变换工作生活的国家，亲自感受到了这种变化对亲密关系造成的巨大破坏。在五年之中，你让这位女子为你两次迁移。每次迁移的时候都有一份现成的工作在等着你，但你似乎认为所有这些都是靠你自己，而她在变换环境的过程中所做出的重大牺牲，包括与她自己的人脉网络分隔开以及放弃职业发展的机会，都仅仅是她自己的问题？如果我是那位女子，我会一脚把你踢到大街上。

Exec, male, 55

管理者，男性，55岁

Draw forecasts

设想远景

Draw out each scenario on a separate piece of paper. Under each, forecast future income and expenses at levels you both agree. See if she accepts where that leaves you in 5, 10, 15 years. Agree to track everything against your budget each month. My strong hunch is that she has not gone through this type of exercise, and is instead too focused on the short term. While this may cause some tension in the short term, if you let this slide and defer any confrontation it will only get worse.

在两张纸上分别写下租房和买房这两种不同的情景。在每个情景下方，写上你们两人都认同的未来预期收入和支出水平。看看她是否能够接受不同情景之下未来5年、10年以及15年后你们两人所处的状态。约定每月跟踪记录违反预算的事项。我有一种强烈的直觉，她从未做过这类练习，而是过于关注短期情况。虽然这种做法在短时间内或许会导致某种紧张气氛，但如果你什么都不做，逃避正面冲突，情况只会变得更糟。

Anon

匿名