小伙伴年后吐槽：我为什么害怕过春节？

For me, Chinese New Year used to be fun.

对于我来说，过去感觉过年很有意思呢。

When I was a kid, I was excited during Chinese New Year when I got lai see and I could stay up late. I even had access to candy, a once-a-year treat while living under the roof of my Tiger Mom.

孩提时的我，一到过年就兴奋不已，我虽平日生活在我家虎妈的“淫威”下，但过年我就可以收到红包了，可以熬夜了，甚至还有机会收到一年才能吃到一次的糖果了。

Riding strong on the sugar highs, I always thought to myself, this is what it must feel like to be an adult. I was flush, free and giddy.

糖果的甜味久久回味，小时候我一直以为，这就是长大成人的感觉，长大了就可以有了一片无拘无束任自己自由驰骋的天地。

Then at some point in my twenties, Chinese New Year became a chore. Not any garden variety chore, but a cold-sweat-inducing family obligation that I try hard to avoid.

后来，到了我二十多岁的时候，农历新年却变得很苦逼。各种苦逼问题劈头盖脸般扑向你，而我在设法逃避着这种令人冒冷汗的所谓的家庭责任。

As an adult, Chinese New Year is an annual nightmare, for the following reasons:

我长大成人了，农历新年与我而言就是一年一度的噩梦一场，有如下原因：

1. I find it sucks when you are single

你要是单身的话，那就糟透了

Relatives feel that they have a right to judge you because you do share bits of DNA, so, really, it's almost like they're judging themselves.

亲戚们觉得自己有权干涉你的个人感情生活问题，因为你们毕竟部分血脉相连，所以他们说起你的感情问题来真的几乎就像是在说自己一样。

Typically, the extended family gathers for Chinese New Year and spends an inordinate amount of time together, during which people get bored and focus their restlessness on judging the younger generation, particularly those who are single.

通常情况下，中国新年全家聚在一起的时间比较长，全家聚在一起时一旦觉得无聊，他们就会转而把精力都集中在年轻一代人、特别是单身年轻人的身上。

Singledom means a lack of responsibilities and responsibility-free people need to be reined in by the wisdom of elders, or they will be reckless with their directionless lives.

单身则代表缺乏责任感，没有责任感的自由人就需要受长辈们的智慧牵制，否则他们的生活就会失去方向。

Here are some unavoidable conversations at Chinese New Year. By "conversations" I really mean monologues by one Wise Elder or another, fired away at a particular Single Younger in a trance-like manner:

下面的话题就是春节时一些无法避免的对话。这里的“对话” 指的是智者长辈单方面的冗长唠叨，他们陷入一种恍惚状态“指点着”单身的年轻人们：

"Why don't you have a boyfriend? If you have a boyfriend, why don't you get married?"

“你为什么还没有男朋友？要是你有男朋友，为什么还不结婚？”

"Why are you not dieting at least a little bit? Second Cousin Yong Yong will have to start bringing clothes from America for you."

“你为什么不少吃一点儿呢？二表哥永永（音译）得要从美国给你带衣服回来啦。”

"What happened to your hair? Blue is not such a good color for us Chinese people."

“你的头发怎么弄成这副样子了？把头发染成蓝色，这个颜色对于我们中国人来说，可不是什么好颜色。”

"Are you saving up for an apartment? Why not? The most important thing in life is to have a roof over your head. You don't want to be homeless, do you? What if the economy collapses again? At least you will have an apartment."

“你在攒钱准备买房吗？为什么还不攒钱准备买房呢？人这一辈子有地方住才是大事，你不想无家可归吧？是不是？如果经济再次不行了可怎么办呢？怎么说至少你也得有一套自己的房子住才行啊。”

"Why don't you get a better paid job? You are wasting your talent. You will regret your life."

“你为什么不找一份薪水再高一些的工作呢？你白读了这么多年的书了。你会后悔你现在过的日子的。”

2. I am employed

我工作了

I loved the great Chinese tradition of gifting lai see. Getting HK$20 for no reason other than tradition really rocked my seven-year-old world.

我喜欢送红包这个优良传统。收到20元港币的红包着实震撼了七岁的我的小小世界。

I have an income now, so twenty bucks here and there doesn't make a huge difference, but I still retain that childhood anticipation for the red packets. It's just a bit disappointing when I open up an envelope and it isn't concealing a massive check.

目前我有了一份自己的收入，因此，这二十块钱无法让我再生感动之情，但我还是对童年收红包的传统习惯有了期待。只是当我打开红包时，看一下红包里面装的钱太少了时，那令人失望的表情丝毫不加掩饰。

And it's the guilt from feeling disappointed that makes me really hate Chinese New Year for making me hate myself.

而且自己感觉又内疚又失望，这让我真的很讨厌过年，我恨我自己。

It's just like being unable to conceal your letdown expression when unwrapping that pair of socks at Secret Santa parties.

这就像是当你打开一双秘密圣诞老人的袜子时，你表露出的那种无法掩饰的失望表情。

Gifting is a heartwarming tradition. It's the thought that counts. I am not supposed to care. I am a bad person.

送礼物是一种让人感觉温馨的优良传统，重在心意。我本不该在乎礼物轻重的，我真是个地道的大坏蛋。

There's even worse.

还有更糟糕的。

Chinese New Year gambling is just out of hand.

春节赌博可谓是到了一发不可收拾的地步。

Now that I have a job, I'm expected to bet real money at The Mahjong Table, a no man's land filled with hidden agendas, treacherous scheming and Janus-faced traitors.

现在，我有了一份工作，我盼着在麻将桌上动真格的赢点钱，如同无人区满藏各种制敌取胜的奸诈心计一样算计着赢钱。

If you beat your elder relatives at mahjong one too many times, beware their wrath. It really hurts when you get hit by a mahjong tile.

如果你打麻将总赢你的长辈亲戚们，当心惹恼他们是会向你飞来一个麻将牌的，麻将牌打到身上真是很疼的。