炫婚炫富炫宝宝,如何告知朋友别再晒幸福

Dear Annie: This is kind of a weird question, but how do you tell an office friend that she's damaging her professional image by going on and on about her personal life? I work with someone who is bright, talented, and capable, but other people here -- including our boss -- are starting to roll their eyes (and leave the room, if possible) every time she opens her mouth, because she shares so much about her home life, her kids, what she did over the weekend, etc. Last week she came back from vacation and she hasn't topped talking about her family's road trip, complete with about 900 pictures.

亲爱的安妮：我问的问题有点奇怪。我在办公室有个朋友总是没完没了地聊自己的私生活，她这样做是在毁坏自己的专业形象，我怎么提醒她才好呢？我这个同事聪明能干，也有才能，但是每次她一开口，办公室里的人都会翻白眼（如有可能，还会当场离开），连老板也不例外。因为她话太多了，总是喋喋不休地讲家里的生活、孩子的情况、周末做了什么等等。上周，她休假回来以后，嘴巴就没停过，叽里呱啦地跟我们讲她一家人的公路旅行，还带了900多张照片。

We work for a manager who says very little about his life outside the office (although he does have the usual framed family photos on his desk and kids' crayon drawings on his walls, but that's about it), so my other colleagues and I follow his lead, the sole exception being this one teammate. I'd like to tell her this oversharing is a habit that could wreck her career here (if it hasn't already), but I don't want to hurt her feelings, since I do have to work beside her every day. What do you suggest? --TMI in Texas

我们的上司是个经理，他很少谈自己的私生活（诚然，他的确在桌上摆了普通尺寸的全家福，也在墙上贴了孩子的蜡笔画，但他对私生活的分享也仅限于此），所以我和其他同事都以他为表率，只有这个同事例外。我想提醒她，过度分享的习惯可能会葬送她在这里的事业（如果说她的事业还没有被葬送的话），但是我不想伤害她的感情，毕竟我还得天天和她在一起工作。你有什么建议吗？——得州话唠

Dear T.M.I.T.:This is a sticky one, because talking a bit about one's personal life now and then "can be really helpful in building solidarity on a team. It helps people discover things they have in common," notes Michael Crom, an executive vice president at Dale Carnegie Training, who adds that his firm's consultants often run across people like your coworker. "But too much talk about extracurriculars is hazardous. It makes you seem unprofessional, or just not focused on the work. There are only so many baby pictures your colleagues want to see."

亲爱的得州话唠：这是个棘手的问题，因为企管训练品牌卡内基训练（Dale Carnegie Training）的执行副总裁迈克尔?克罗姆说过，偶尔谈一点私生活“确实有助于增强团队凝聚力，人们可以通过这种方式找到共同点。”他还说，他经常在公司里碰到像你同事这种类型的咨询师。“但是过多地谈论自己的私生活很危险。这样做可能会让你显得不专业，要么纯粹是心思不在工作上。给同事看婴儿照片这种事情，点到为止就好了。”

Crom speculates that a rise in TMI at work can probably be traced back to Facebook (FB) and other social media. "There's a level of openness now that just didn't exist five or 10 years ago," he says. "It's partly generational. Young people coming into the workforce are used to putting things out there in public that used to be considered private, and they may not realize that too much of that just isn't appropriate in most businesses."

克罗姆认为，职场话唠或许是因为Facebook等社交媒体的出现。“现在人们的开放程度是五到十年前不能比的，”他说。“代际差异是其中的一部分原因。初入职场的年轻人习惯了秀生活，以前的人认为是隐私的东西在他们眼里都可以公开，他们可能没有意识到，过度秀生活的行为在大多数企业都不得体。”

At the same time, Crom's company has done extensive research showing that employees are more engaged, and more likely to stick around, if their bosses take some interest in their personal lives and reveal a bit about their own. "People want a closer relationship with coworkers and especially with bosses," he says. "We've found that a warm personal rapport is crucial to retaining top employees."

与此同时，克罗姆的公司开展了广泛的研究，结果表明，如果老板适度关心员工的私生活，同时适度分享自己的私生活，员工的干劲会更大，对公司的忠诚度也会更高。“人人都想和同事、尤其是老板建立更密切的关系，”他说。“我们发现，要想留住精英员工，关键是要和他们保持融洽的私人关系。”

Barbara Pachter agrees. A communications consultant who has counseled executives at Pfizer (PFE), Merck (MRK), Microsoft (MSFT), and other big companies, she's also the author (with Denise Cowie) of a new book called The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success. "You do have to share a little," Pachter says. "Being too distant can be just as offputting as sharing too much." One manager she coached "came in on a Monday morning with a wedding ring on. He had never mentioned to anyone that he was getting married," Pachter recalls. "His team was furious. They froze him out."

芭芭拉?帕切特同意这个观点。帕切特曾为辉瑞（Pfizer）、默克（Merck）、微软（Microsoft）等大企业的高管担任通信顾问，她还与丹尼斯?考伊合著了一本新书，名为《商业礼仪要点》（The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success）。“分享一点私生活的确是必需的，”帕切特说。“过度疏远可能会和过度分享一样令人生厌。”她指导过的一名经理“在某个星期一的早晨走进办公室，手上戴着婚戒。但是他从来没有跟人提过自己结婚的事，”帕切特回忆道，“他的团队一片哗然，后来通过冷战把他排挤走了。”

So how do you know how much personal chat is enough? Finding that fine line requires sensitivity to the prevailing culture where you work. It sounds as if you and your colleagues, except for Chatty Cathy, have figured this out. If nobody else is going on at length about their kids or trying to show everyone their vacation snapshots, it's obviously wise to refrain.

那么，怎么才能知道分享私生活的限度在哪里呢？这需要你对工作场所的主流文化保持敏感。从你说的情况看，除了那个话唠同事以外，办公室里的其他人都对这一点心知肚明。如果大家都没有长篇大论地聊自己的孩子，或者到处展示自己的度假快照，那么你不这样做显然是明智之举。

Beyond that, Pachter has two rules: First, she says, "If you have strong political beliefs, they're best kept to yourself. Politics can change someone's whole opinion of you, often for the worse -- and, considering it's extraneous to the job you're doing, is it worth it?"

除此之外，帕切特还有两条法则。她说，第一条是，“如果你有坚定的政治信仰，最好别让人知道。要不然，别人对你的看法可能会完全改变，而且往往是向不好的方向转变——再说了，政治信仰与你的工作毫无关系，为这种事情影响你的前途，值得吗？”

And second, she says, "Never, ever share anything that could be used against you later. Especially, don't talk about any situation where you may have acted less than ethically." In her consulting work, Pachter is frequently amazed at some of the things people brag to coworkers about. "There are people who actually believe it makes them look clever if they reveal that, for instance, a store clerk gave them too much change and they took it without saying anything," she says. "Often, people just don't realize how they're coming across to colleagues -- and some people just talk too much, period."

帕切特的第二条法则是，“切记，永远不要给人留下把柄。不光彩的事情尤其说不得。”在担任顾问期间，帕切特总是惊讶地发现，一些匪夷所思的事情也会有人拿来跟同事吹嘘。“事实上还有人觉得，这种事情说出去会显得自己很高明——比方说店员找多了的零钱，自己一声不响地收下，”她说。“人们往往根本就没有意识到，自己说出去的话会给同事造成什么样的印象——有些人纯粹就是话太多，就这么回事。”

Which brings us back to your dilemma with your teammate. "You must speak up and let her know" that her behavior is making her persona non grata around the office, Pachter says: "If the situation were reversed and you were doing something that was making people roll their eyes and try to avoid you, wouldn't you want someone to warn you?"

这就回到了你所面临的两难选择——究竟应不应该提醒同事。“你必须说出来，让她知道”自己的行为在办公室成了众矢之的，帕切特表示，“换做是你在办公室里做了什么事情让同事不齿，乃至避免和你打交道，你也会希望有人能提醒你吧？”

Assuming you would, "start with that. Ask this coworker if she's open to some feedback, and explain that you'd want to hear this if you were in her place. Then describe the effect that her constant personal talk is having on her credibility as a professional, and suggest she put away the vacation photos and talk less about her home life."

假设你希望是这样。“那么你可以先从这里着手。问一问那个同事，看她想不想听一些反馈，解释一下换做是你，也希望有人能提醒自己。然后告诉她，在办公室里没完没了地聊私生活有损她的专业形象，建议她把度假照片收起来，少谈一点家庭生活。”

It might help to cushion the criticism by stressing that you do, as you note, regard her as bright and capable and you'd hate to see this one quirk hold her back. "Say you're concerned about her reputation," Michael Crom advises. "You could point out that the rest of your colleagues tend to reserve most of their personal talk for lunch hours and other break times" —-- and that your boss seems to prefer that. Good luck.

你也承认自己的同事聪明能干，可以把这一点跟她说明，告诉她，你不希望这种小习惯挫伤她的积极性。这样做或许可以缓和你对她的批评语气。“告诉她，你在乎她的名声，”迈克尔?克罗姆。“还可以指出，其他同事一般都只在午饭或休息时间谈论私事。”——而且你的老板似乎也喜欢这么做。祝你好运。

Talkback: Have you ever worked with someone who talked too much about her life outside work? Do you think the tendency toward TMI is spreading? Leave a comment below.

读者反馈：你有没有遇到过太爱聊个人私生活的同事？你觉得职场话唠是不是越来越常见？欢迎留言评论。