约会技巧:和女生约会一定要花钱吗？

Shannon was on a date with a guy (we'll call him Sean) who had been chasing her for the better part of a decade. She finally caved into his advances and agreed to go on a casual date at a local bar. Shannon was not a fancy, prissy type. She played in an intramural softball league, preferred flip flops to high heels and owned a handicapped dog. But when he uttered the fatal words "So do you mind splitting the check?" she assumed one thing; he wasn't interested.

香农曾经遇到个一个男的，（暂且叫他肖恩）。这个肖恩苦追了香农很多年了，现在，香农终于答应肖恩，在当地一个酒店共享晚餐。香农不是个挑剔讲究的女孩，喜欢垒球、相比高跟鞋更喜欢人字拖，还养着一条残疾狗狗。但是，当饭后买单时，肖恩说出：“介不介意AA？”时，香农心理顿时觉得：“他原来不是很看重这次约会。”

Things fizzled between them and Shannon later learned Sean was interested, but he was flat broke. She was perplexed. If he was so low on cash, why didn't he take her somewhere less expensive? Or to a free art gallery? Or a movie in the park? Or a dive bar instead of the fancy wine bar he had picked out?

就是因为最后的这一出，他俩的关系似乎没什么进展。香农事后才知道，其实不是肖恩不看重那次约会，而是他当时真没什么钱。然而，让香农百思不解的是，既然都没钱了，为什么不选个一般点的地方吃饭？或是去参观免费的画廊、或是去公园看场免费电影；或是就到个廉价小酒馆也好。

In What Men Really Want: For Ladies To Pay On The Date Too, we learned that many men would like women to start paying their way when it comes to dating. But in all seriousness, what those men fail to realize is that most women are not out for a free ride. For Shannon, it wasn't about his money — it was about being courted.

男人也许在约会的时候也希望女性承担自己那一部分开销。我们知道有些男士是会在约会时要求女性承担自己的开销的，但是，严肃的讲，男人根本不理解女人出来约会其实不是为了占小便宜，就香农的例子而言，香农在约会时不是在乎肖恩的钱多钱少，更在乎的是是否有被追求的感觉。

Yes, it's 2013, but in these days of texting instead of calling, late-night booty calls instead of dates, men disappearing and reappearing, it's nice to have a little old-fashioned romance. Women may have increased wealth and equality, but some things may never change. Gold diggers aside, most women don't care how much a man drops on a date. According to a Match.com study, 46 percent of women say it doesn't really matter how much a date spends on the evening, and 58 percent of women are not even looking for an expensive date. A whopping 75 percent of women do not want to eat dinner at a fancy restaurant.

是的，现在是2013年了，到了短信比电话重要，夜间的电话比白天的重要，男人去了又来的年头。但是那些传统的浪漫在这时不是更弥足珍贵吗？在就当下，女人的社会价值和平等性和男人并无异，但是有些东西却从未改变。当然，今天的话题和拜金女无关，我们说的是大多说女性并不在意男性在约会时花多少钱。根据Match.com做的调查，百分之46的女性认为约会时的开销并不重要，百分之58的女性不会刻意寻找有钱人约会，高达75的女性其实根本就不期望约会的时候在很贵的餐厅消费。

Historically courtship has revolved around "a man proving to a woman that he values her," says psychotherapist Tina B. Messina. In the days before women were CEOs and doctors, a woman would lose all of her wealth to her husband once she was married. So it was imperative that a man proved to both the woman and her family that he could take care of her. Hence a man paying and providing for a woman.

精神治疗师蒂娜说过，有史以来，求偶都是围绕着“男人如何向女人表达自己有多看重她”而开展的。在女人没有资格和男人获得同样的社会地位的时代，女人一旦嫁人，就会失去的财富，所以，男人要用各种方法向让女人和她的家人证明一旦女人嫁给他，会受到很好的照顾。这也是男人为什么为女人买单的历史原因。

But now that it's 2013 and not 1952, where does that leave us? Many women, myself included, do not need a man's moula. The real problem is not that men are spending too much money on dates; it's that they're not dating wisely. In the age of online dating and the gaggle of choices out there, truer words were never said. Men waste money and energy dating the wrong people. "They don't have purpose or focus, and they go out with folks who possess dealbreakers — simply because they're not taking the dating process seriously." For these men, it's not about the money either. By datingonly people they're truly interested in and who have the same goals and desires, men can save time and energy.

但是现在已经是2013年了，而不是1952年。我们的传统变了吗？很多女人，包括我自己，并不予要男人养活。其实真正的问题时男人在约会时花了太多的钱，而在婚恋网上的选择很多，有诚意的却很少。“一些男人自己也没定性，在网上也会那些没有诚意长期交往的女孩——原因很简单，他们自己都没有将这次约会看得很重要。”对于这类男人，钱也许也不是问题。然而，和有想要着认真交往的女孩约会可以节约时间和精力。

Having dated online myself, I can certainly attest to that fact. Though I stated clearly on my profile that I was looking for a longterm relationship, there was no shortage of men who took me out with less than serious intentions. Men who go on date after date hoping that just one of them will "stick". It's not just men who do this; I've been guilty of it too. I've gone out with guys who possessed way too many of my dealbreakers — believed Top 40 was good music, didn't vote and owned cats — because I hoped that if I was more open-minded I might meet the right guy. It wasn't until I focused on quality not quantity that I met the right guy.

我自己也有网上交友的经历，当我在我的个人介绍里写清楚了我要寻找的是长期伴侣时，任然有很多不是很严肃对待约会的男人来约我出去。很多男人觉一次又一次的约会总会有合适的出现，当然有这种想法的不仅仅是男人，我也曾经忏悔自己对约会的不严肃。我曾和许多不严肃对待约会的男人约会过。很多人都有共性——喜欢音乐、不参加选举和养猫。我当时觉得，我也许更开放就有机会遇到我的白马王子。 然而事实却不是这样的，我意识到质量比数量更重要。

On the flip side, I had a guy friend named Greg who signed up for an online dating profile but refused to actually message a single woman. Instead he would just wait until they noticed him lurking on their profile and message him; As you can imagine, his lazy methods got him nowhere. He went on a lot of crappy dates, could never understand why none of his dates worked out and complained that women are just interested money.

我有一个男性朋友叫格雷格，他在一个婚恋网上登了记，但是却从来不主动找女会员，只是等别的女会员找他。你可以想象，他的懒人理论产生怎样的结果，他有过很多次垃圾般的约会，他永远都不明白他的约会为什么都没有结果，还不停抱怨女人只对钱感兴趣。

Men also forget all the time and money women spend pre-date; a new outfit, waxing, shaving, makeup and hair. Consider this: according to the survey by Match.com 65 percent of women spend 50 dollar or more on pre-date grooming and clothing, Don't want to spend money on the first date? I'm guessing many women would rather not spend the time or money shaving, putting on makeup, choosing an outfit and blow drying their hair. Not to mention teetering in high heels, donning crippling Spanx, and strapping on push up bras. But alas, most of us don't wake up looking runway-ready. Even though most guys claim not to notice all the things that women do to primp, I'm also guessing most men would be horrified to see a girl show up to a date with hairy legs, under-eye circles and a Brillo pad for hair like I have when I wake up..

男人也不知道，女人在准备约会前的开销，新衣服、脱毛、化妆、做头发。根据调查，百分之65的女性花在约会前准备的钱高达50美元甚至更多。我想更多女性宁愿不花钱和时间为了一次约会去收拾打扮自己。更别说穿着摇摇晃晃的高跟鞋，让人窒息的瘦身衣….哎，毕竟不是所有的女人都是天生丽质，尽管大多数男士会说，并没有意识到女性的精心打扮，然而我却想说，如果女人再跟男人约会时没有刮腿毛，带着黑眼圈，头发乱的跟刚睡醒似得，肯定大多数男人都会被吓跑的。

If we're really talking about gender equality, then yes we should just split everything down the middle.. But dating isn't about gender equality. Dating is about that dance between two people. Flirting and courting and chivalry, no matter how old-fashioned, is a part of that.

从性别平等的角度上讲，是的，我们应该男女各付一半。但是约会不是讨论性别平等的时候，约会是两个人的舞蹈，约会是应该有调情、奉承和绅士风度的部分，不管这样的观念有多守旧，都不应该改变。

From a financial standpoint, I'm far from needing or wanting a man to pay for my lifestyle. But I do want to be swept off my feet. I want doors opened. Bugs killed. Dragons slayed! Of all the things my boyfriend has done for me, the most memorable one was surprising me with balloons that had hidden notes in them. Expensive? No. Thoughtful and caring? Yes. And I saved every sticky note inside.

从财务上讲，我不需要男人为我的生活买单。但是我却想感受到无微不至的体贴，感受到他能力所能及地为我做所有的事。也许对我来讲最大的惊喜就是看到气球上写着他的求爱语。贵吗？一点都不，周到和体贴的他会让我谨记气球上的每句话。

I'm in no way suggesting that a woman doesn't start chipping in after the first 2-3 dates. In fact, when my boyfriend realized that he brought me to a cash-only restaurant with no cash on our second date, I forked out the money without batting an eyelash. The fact that I knew he was interested in more than an easy fling, he told me he liked me, texted me within 24 hours of our first date and had already asked me out for a third date, made it easy for me to pay.

我不建议女人在2到3次约会以后就将你的未来押在这个男人身上。然而，我的经历也值得分享和参考。我和男朋友第一次约会时，他约我去了一家很贵的餐厅，当他意识到没有钱再约我时，我想也没想就把我的钱拿出来，因为我知道他对我有意，他告诉我他喜欢我，约会后的24小时内发信息给我，计划下一次约会。这些行为让我判断出他的诚意，让我更愿意为爱情买单。

Why? Because he was courting me.

为什么？因为他的追求让我很受用。