情感必修课：4大感情错误千万不要犯

It’s been a few months and what was just a fling has turned into a full blown relationship. Now is usually the point where things start going to the dumps and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud of smoke.

几个月过去了，曾经的美好早已支离破碎。到底是什么让这段完美的感情走到尽头，烟消云散？

This time it’s going to be different. This one is going to be really perfect and you’re not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Just make sure you’re not making any of the following common relationship mistakes or that fiery cloud is going to make its appearance once again.

这次要做点改变。下一段感情一定要完美，你不能再犯同样的错误。先看看下面一些常见的感情错误，确保不再犯，否则乌云还是会再次出现影响你们的感情。

1. Don’t Stand Up For Yourself

不为自己说话

This is an all too-common habit of both men and women. The same feeling of lack of self-worth is behind this habit for both genders, but it manifests itself differently.

这是男女之间太常见的问题。这一习惯的背后是两性之间自我价值的缺失感，只是表达方式有所不同。

Some men think that in order to remain in a woman’s good graces, you have to submit to everything she wants. If they start disagreeing with her, she’ll drop him like a hot potato. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Women want a strong gentleman, not a puppy. It seems as if men believe there are only two choices: (1) the pushover who puts up with everything, and (2) the hyper-masculine a-hole. They vacillate between these two, unable to see that there’s a perfect median. They end up resenting their partner instead of loving them.

有些男人觉得要想一直取悦女人就必须给她想要的一切。一旦他们在某点上不赞同女友，便会马上被甩。这可真是大错特错。女人们想要的是坚强的绅士，不是宠物。似乎男人们总觉得眼前只有两个选择：（1）忍受所有事情的好好先生；（2）大男子主义的霸权男。他们在两者之间跳跃，却忽视了其实有一个完美的中间状态。到最后他们就由爱生恨。

The same is true for women, except women will almost always express their resentment in the form of passive aggression. Don’t do this! There’s no need. A man doesn’t want a woman who can’t think for herself, or who pretends to agree with him and then punishes him with her passive aggressive tactics.

这点对于女人也同样适用，只是女人常常以被动的形式来表达自己的怨恨。千万别这样！根本不需要。男人不想要一个完全不为自己考虑的女人，又或是假装赞成他所有观点再用被动的情绪暗暗惩罚他的女人。

2. Accept Sacrifice As A Rule

把牺牲当成规则

Most people are under the impression that love requires sacrifice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that relationships require work and compromise, but they never require sacrifice. Let me tell you why.

很多人都觉得爱情需要牺牲。别误会我的意思，我知道感情需要努力和妥协，但绝对不需要牺牲。我来给你们解释一下。

In any given situation, a sacrifice requires you to give up something you value more for something you value less. When you practice this concept in relationships it breeds resentment and anger. Instead, understand that your partner has had a life before you, and respect that he or she will not and should not change everything just because you asked.

在任何情况下，牺牲都意味着你需要放弃某些自己珍视的东西，来获得你不是那么在乎的东西。如果在一段感情里，你做出了牺牲，只会滋长你的怨恨和愤怒。相反，你需要理解另一半遇到你之前的生活，尊重他，不要希冀他会因为你的要求改变所有的事情。

For example, if your partner has a friend that makes you really uncomfortable because you just know that they have feelings for your partner. You have 3 choices; only one of which will lead to a healthy relationship:

比如，你的另一半有一个让你觉得非常不舒服的朋友，因为他/她也对你的另一半有感觉，这种情况下你有三种选择：只有一种做法是最合适正确的。

Ask your partner to stop being friends with this person as a necessary sacrifice they must make to stay in a relationship with you.

让另一半远离这个人，就当是为了你俩的感情做出的牺牲。

Pretend like you don’t care until all hell breaks out.

假装完全不在意，直到自己再也受不了。

Tell your partner how you feel and see how you can work together to alleviate your fears. Maybe they invite you to become friends with this person, or they decide to not do certain things together, etc. Agree to a course of action that works for both of you.

告诉另一半你的感受，看看如何减少自己的恐惧。也许他们会让你和这个人也去成为朋友，或是他们决定再也不一起做某些特定的事情。这样对你俩都有好处。

You should never feel pressured to sacrifice something you don’t want to give up for your significant other, unless your relationship is worth way more than the sacrifice. Maybe you give up smoking in the house for this person, or move across the country and give up your house because you want them in your life. Remember to do so because you want to and not because you have to.

你也不能勉强自己去做任何牺牲，除非这段感情非常非常重要，值得去放弃其他。也许你可以为了这个人在房子里戒烟。或是为了在一起搬离这座城市。要记住确保这些都是你自己想做的，而非不得不做的。

3. Rely On Telepathy To Communicate

依赖心灵感应的交流

Contrary to popular belief, this is a relationship crime committed by both men and women equally.

和大众观点相反，这也是男女之间最容易犯的错误。

Gentlemen. Please don’t assume that your partner knows that you think they’re gorgeous. Don’t assume that you don’t have to say how much you care about them. They can’t read your mind and if you don’t say it they’ll never know. So remember, say it and say it often.

男人们，别认为你的另一半知道在你眼里她们很美丽，别觉得无需多说到底你有多在乎她们。她们不会读心术，如果你不说，她们永远不会知道，所以记住，要说出来，经常说。

Ladies. I know you think it’s romantic for your partner to know what’s bothering you, but it’s just not realistic or fair. Women want to believe that their perfect partner will just know what’s wrong or, even worse, they’ll know what to do to make it right. Trust me, we know that it ruins the fairy tale, but you’re just going to have to get over it. You’ll probably going to have to tell him when he makes you angry, because he literally doesn’t know. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I promise that he’s not ignoring you or doing something to spite you. He’s clueless. Tell him and then tell him what he can do better next time and how to make it OK this time.

女人们，我知道被一个男人理解你的烦心事是多么浪漫的一件事，但这毫不实际。女人们总是希望另一半恰恰好了解到底出了什么问题，或甚至是该怎么把事情做对。相信我，虽然这会破坏你们的幻想，但是你必须要克服这种想法。你必须告诉他到底他做了什么让你生气，因为他的确不知道。难以置信是么？我打赌他并不是忽视你，又或是故意做其他事惹你生气，他是真的没有意识到。告诉他，然后让他下次改进以及这次如何弥补。

4. Slack Off As Soon As Possible

很快就懈怠

Now that you’re both comfortable with each other, you start getting sloppy. Everything your partner loved about you in the beginning is starting to fade away.

当两个人在一起十分舒服，你便开始有些懈怠了。所有另一半爱你的一切慢慢消失不见。

Guys. Remember when you were so sweet and attentive? You were romantic and you were considerate. Where did that guy go? Why isn’t he here anymore and how can we get him back? It’s not OK to stop doing these things when you feel you’ve got her in the bag. There’s going to be a gentlemen around the corner who’s going to go the extra mile and you’ll be left in the dust.

男人们。想想你上次表现的又贴心和周到是什么时候？你是多么的浪漫和细心，这个你去哪里了？为什么现在不再是这样，怎么才能把那个他找回来呢？不是说得到她之后你就可以减少关心在乎，不然你就小心一个绅士不知不觉把你的女友抢走吧。

Women aren’t off the hook either. It’s about doing the best you can with what you have and taking pride in your appearance. It sounds shallow, but you can’t expect your partner to be equally attracted to a slob and a lady. It doesn’t work that way. He’ll find a woman who loves herself and who’s willing to take care of herself for longer than 3 months.

女人们也别懈怠下来。好好的收拾下自己，为自己的外表自豪。这听起来有点肤浅，但一个懒女人和一个美女人，你觉得你男友会选谁？最终就是，他会选择去找一个既爱自己又懂得照顾自己超过三个月的女人。