如果一直对孩子说“Yes”效果会怎样?

Like most children, my own brood complains constantly about my style of parenting. "You’re always saying 'No'," they complain, as I tell them they can’t have yet more mayonnaise on their dinner.

像大多数孩子们一样，我自己的孩子也一直抱怨我对他们的养育方式。晚饭时当我告诉他们不能再吃蛋黄酱的时侯，他们抱怨说"你总是说'不'。"

"It’s bad for you," I say. "So, no, you can’t."

我说:"再吃对你们的健康不好，不，你们不能再吃了。"

"You say no to everything,"says Leonard, aged eight.

八岁的Leonard说："你对任何事情都说不。"

He and his younger siblings — Jerry, six, and Ottoline, three — then list everything I have said ‘No’ to since they got home from school. Sweets, playing outside with their uniform on, biscuits, getting stuff out from drawer, painting …

他和弟弟妹妹们——6岁的Jerry和3岁的Ottoline列了一张清单，上面写着他们从学校回家后我说的所有的"不"。糖果、在外面穿着校服玩、饼干、从抽屉里拿东西、画画……

I’ve always considered myself a pretty easy-going parent, and yet here they are telling me I’m a nay-saying harridan.

我一直认为我是一个脾气很好的妈妈，但是他们竟然说我是一个总说"不"的老巫婆。

According to the currently fashionable idea of ‘free parenting’, though, what I should be saying is ‘Yes’.

然而根据最近流行的"亲子养育"观点，我应该说"是"。

It’s particularly interesting to me because I recently decided to try an experiment. In the style of ‘free parenting’, I would say yes to everything my children wanted for an entire week — and see what happened.

因为最近我想做一个实验，所以这就对我来说特别有趣。根据"亲子养育"的方式，在整整一个星期内，我要对我的孩子的要求通通说"是"，然后看看效果如何。

The only rules were not to let the children know what I’d decided to do, and to ensure that I alerted them to the consequences of their actions, so they could make their own well-informed choices.

唯一的规则是不让孩子知道我在做什么，并且确保已经对他们的行为做出了提醒，然后让他们做出自己的选择。

But what if they wanted to swing on the curtains and to paint the walls red? What if my teenage son, 14-year-old Raymond, wanted to bring girls home every night and smoke? What would I say then?

但是如果他们想要在窗帘上"荡秋千"，或者想要把墙全涂成红色呢？倘若我14岁的儿子Raymond晚上想要带女孩子们回家或者吸烟呢？那么我该说什么呢？

There was only one way to find out …

只有一种方法可以知道……

DAY ONE

第一天

It all starts pretty well. The children get up for breakfast and we follow our usual routine: let the dogs out, eat cereal, dress, make packed lunches.

刚开始时非常好。孩子们早上起来吃早饭，然后按照日程去做：放狗出去，喝麦片粥，穿衣服，做中午的便当。

DAY TWO

第二天

Things are beginning to change. "Why are you being so nice to us?"they say, as I nod my head to all requests.

事情开始发生变化。当我对所有的问题点头时，孩子们问"为什么你对我们这么好了呢？"

...

DAY SEVEN

第七天

Experiment nearly over and I feel I have proved a point — one that is very interesting to all of us.

实验即将结束，我感觉我已经证明了一个道理——一个对我们所有人来说很有趣的一个道理。

For a start, by the end of the week the children are imploding. My acquiescence to everything has meant that they are not only buzzing with e-numbers and sugar, but are exhausted, too

开始时，孩子们在周末把家里闹翻了天。我的经验告诉我，他们不仅吃了很多带食物添加剂和糖的东西，而且玩得也精疲力尽了。

But I have also learned some important lessons. The hassle of clearing up the kitchen after they have made a cake is nothing compared to the joy I feel when I hear them laughing so freely.

但是我也学到了很多，相比于听到他们无忧无虑的笑声，在他们做完蛋糕后，清理厨房时的争吵压根不算什么。

They just wanted to have fun, to laugh more; to not have every request quashed by a negative.

他们只是想要玩得开心，想要笑得更多；不想所有的要求都被拒绝而已。

They also, I think, really started to understand why I create boundaries in their lives, because as much as they don’t like them, they are lost without them.

我认为，他们也开始真正地明白，为什么生活中我不让他们做一些事情，因为他们越不喜欢它们，却越不能离开它们。

As I go to put them to bed on the last day, I find them sitting in a circle, doing a jigsaw together.

在最后一天当我让他们上床睡觉时，我发现他们坐成一个圈，正在玩七巧板。

"You’re playing together!" I say.

我说："你们在一起玩！"

"Yes, can we stay up late?"asks Jerry.

Jerry说："是的，我们能晚点睡觉吗?"

"No," I tell them.

我告诉他们说："不可以。"

They all troop off — but looking mightily relieved, it has to be said.

他们匆匆散去,但是似乎强烈地松了口气，因为这是必须要说的。