不生小孩会被同事鄙视?

Hi, Carolyn: I was making small talk at work when a woman asked if I had children. I said no. She expressed pity that I hadn't experienced life's greatest joy and said she couldn't understand why women these days prioritize careers over family. She added that parenthood is a prerequisite for being a good manager since women without children lack the maturity necessary to lead teams.

卡罗琳，你好！当时，我们一群同事正在闲聊，一位女士问了我一个问题，"你有孩子吗？"我回答她，没有。她表示，太遗憾了，那将是你一生中最大的快乐。她说她无法理解为什么现代女性将工作看得比家庭更重。她补充道，为人父母是成为一名优秀管理者的先决条件，因为没生小孩的女性往往缺乏领导团队所需的成熟思想。

Carolyn, it wasn't my choice not to have kids, and this is a painful subject for me.

卡罗琳，不生孩子并非我之所愿，对我而言，这一话题非常痛苦。

In my 20s, I would have brushed this off and changed the subject, but now I am in my 40s struggling to save for retirement on a salary that falls far below that of my married-with-children peers in the same profession. I have been passed over even though I have always had outstanding performance evaluations. I am always expected to work overtime and take a hit for the team because I don't have kids, yet I am also resented and belittled for it.

倘若我20多岁，我肯定对这个话题不理不睬，甚至会换个话题，但现在我40多岁了，正在为退休而努力攒钱。现实是：我的薪资远低于同一行业中的拖家带口人士。尽管我的业绩表现总是很突出，但升职时却是一次次的被排除在外。因为我没有小孩，大家都期望我加班、为团队背锅，但也正因为我没有小孩，大家都鄙视我、贬低我。

So, this time I calmly asked her, "Do you think having a genetic disease makes a person immature? Do you think watching an 8-year-old relative die of said genetic disease makes a person immature? There are a lot of reasons people don't have kids, and a lot of paths to maturity."

所以，这一次，我十分平静地问她，"你认为患遗传病会让人不成熟吗？你认为亲眼看到一个8岁的亲戚因为这一遗传病离世会让人不成熟吗？人们不生小孩的原因有很多，通往成熟的道路也有很多。"

That did not go over well. Now my presence clears the room. What should I have said? Should I just keep ignoring such comments and changing the subject?

但效果并不是很好。现在只要我一出现，大家就会作鸟散状。我该说什么？我是不是应该继续对这样的评语听而不闻、继续换话题？

- Childless in the Workplace

-工作场所无子女的情况

Childless in the Workplace: You told her what she deserved to hear in response to her cruel, grossly unfounded prejudice. I'm glad you said what you did.

工作场所无子女的情况：你只不过是在回应她残酷而又毫无根据的偏见罢了，这是她应受的。我很高兴你讲出了这些话。

It bears saying anyway: You said what you deemed appropriate at the time, in response to an attack on your core values and competence. She's fortunate to have left this encounter. (Not that I condone that, of course.) So while it's normal to replay and second-guess what you said, especially given the reception you're getting at work, I hope you'll embrace your answer as an act of self-care.

无论如何，你这么说都是对的：当时当境，你用你认为合适的言辞来回应别人对你核心价值观和能力的攻击。她没有继续接茬是对的。（当然，这并不表示我宽恕了她。）所以，虽然回想当时的言辞十分正常，尤其是在工作场合中说出此番言论，但我还是希望你接受当时所作的言论，这是自爱的一种表现。