Unit 59 Four Rules for a Successful Marriage Couples usually ask for advice when they are just about ready to throw in the towel. Their Love Banks have been losing love units so long that they are now deeply in the red. And their negative Love Bank accounts makes them feel very uncomfortable just being in the same room with each other. To be in love again means they must re-deposit all of the love units that were withdrawn. In order to deposit enough love units to fall in love, they must follow rules that they don't feel like following. The Rule of Care: Meet Your Spouse's Most Important Emotional Needs Even when the feeling of love begins to fade, or when it's gone entirely, it can be recovered when ever you both go back to being an expert at knowing each other's needs and learn to meet those needs in a way that is fulfilling to your spouse, and enjoyable for you, too. The Rule of Protection: Avoid Being the Cause of Your Spouse's Unhappiness It's pointless to deposit love units if you withdraw them right away. So in addition to meeting important emotional needs, you must be sure to protect the Love Bank from withdrawals by paying attention to ow your everyday behavior makes each other unhappy. You and your spouse were born to be angry, disrespectful, demanding, annoy and dishonest. These are normal human traits that I call Love Busters because they destroy affection. To eliminate them, you will do whatever it takes to overcome these destructive tendencies for your spouse's protection. The Rule of Honesty Reveal to your spouse as much information about yourself as you know -- your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities, and plans for the future. Honesty and Openness can trigger the feeling of love. But its counterpart, dishonesty, is one of the most destructive Love Busters. Besides, honesty is the only way couples will come to understand each other. To avoid conflict, they sometimes deliberately misinform each other as to their feelings, personal history, activities, and plans. This not only leads to a failure to meet an important emotional need, and a withdrawal of love units when the deception is discovered, it also makes marital conflicts impossible to resolve. After all, how can you and your spouse solve a problem if your cards are not on the table? Without honesty, the adjustments that are crucial to the creation of compatibility in your marriage cannot be made. The Rule of Time: Take Time to Give Your Spouse Your Undivided Attention When you are dating, you give each other this kind of attention and you fall in love. When people have affairs, they also give each other this kind of attention to keep their love for each other alive. Why should courtship and affairs be the only times love is created? Why can't it happen in marriage as well? It can, if you set aside time every week to give each other undivided attention. Schedule your time to be alone with each other as your highest priority, even if your career, your time with your children, and a host of other demands will compete for your time together.