拒绝还是接纳——来自流浪汉的启发

生活中，我们常常要面临选择，比如选择接纳，或者拒绝。那么，究竟怎样的选择才是对我们最好的呢？

I was out for my usual morning run and found myself stumbling through the late-summer heat, wishing I had taken a water bottle. I stopped under a bridge for a moment of shade, I saw two young, scruffymen standing next to their sleeping bags. One smiled and gently raised his hand as if motioning“hello” but didn’t say a word. He wasn’t asking for anything. I smiled and made the same motion back to him.

我像往常一样，早起晨跑，结果发现发现自己被夏末的热浪搞得够呛，真希望当时带了一瓶水喝。我跑到一座桥下，就这那的阴影乘了一会凉，看见两个邋遢的男人站在睡袋旁。一个微笑着轻轻举起手，好像在说“你好”，却一个字也没说。他没有要求任何东西。我微笑着和他做了同样的动作。

As I started back on my run, I thought about how much we all crave connection. In that moment, this homeless man seemed to want to connect more than he wanted food or money.

当我开始继续跑步时，我意识到我们是多么渴望与别人建立关系。在那一刻，比起他想要的食物或钱，这个无家可归的人似乎更想要人与人间的联系。

We have all had experiences of feeling separate and lonely. I have felt lonely being in a relationship that was void of emotional connection. Feeling separation doesn’t have anything to do with being alone vs. being with people — it is about the human desire to feel connected by being seen and valued by another person.

我们都有过孤独的经历。我曾在一段没有情感联系的关系中感受过孤独。孤独感的产生与是否孑然一身或是否与人在一起并没有任何关系——它关乎的是人类对人际关系的渴望，那种被人看见并珍视的感觉。

If your tendency is to spend time alone, practice saying yes to invitations. Practice moving towards rather than away from people.

如果你倾向于独自消磨时光，那么试着练习接受别人的邀请。试着学会和大家一起度过时光，而不是远离他们。

We all benefit from connection. That homeless man impacted my day. After encountering him, I felt more grateful — appreciating all that I have. He triggered my compassion — I found myself feelingempathy for him. I had the choice to move towards separation or connection. Were there many ways in which he and I are very different? Absolutely! Are there many ways in which we are alike! Absolutely! I can reflect on times in my life that like him, I was in a situation I had never anticipated, times that I felt broke, times that I felt at a low point. And as he may have been feeling this morning, times when I needed someone to stop and acknowledge me.

我们都会从与人交流中受益。那位无家可归的人影响了我的一天。遇到他后，我感到更为感恩，感激我所拥有的一切。他激发了我的怜悯之情，我发现自己对他有了同理心。我能够选择到底是与人疏远还是与人交流。他和我有很多不同之处吗?绝对有!他和我有很多相似之处?绝对有!我能回想起自己生命中与他一样的时刻，像这样处于一个我从未预料到的情况之中：支离破碎、踟蹰低谷;以及像他今天早上可能感觉到的一样，需要有人为我停下脚步，不把我当透明人看。

We always have a choice as to whether we move towards separation or connection. Separation is looking at the homeless person and focusing on how unkempt he looks, and criticizing why he has a 7-11 Slurpee cup if he is out of money. Connection is acknowledging that he impacted my day by reaching out to me.

我们总可以选择是拒人于千里之外还是与接纳别人。拒人于千里之外，就是看到无家可归的人时只注意到他看起来是多么凌乱，并锱铢必较地想着如果他身无分文又为何有一个7-11思乐冰杯。而接纳他，则是是承认他通过主动接触我而影响了我的一天。

Pay attention today and notice whether you tend to move towards separation or towards connection. Pay attention today and notice whether that is working well for you.

关注当下，仔细想想你的方向到底是拒绝还是接纳。关注当下，想想这么做是不是真的对你好。

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