你的孩子希望你在社交媒体上停止做这三件事

Now that you're "friends" with your child, you might want to mind your posts.

既然现在你已成为孩子的“好友”，那么你可能在发状态时要注意以下几点。

1) CONSTANTLY MOM-BRAGGING ABOUT THEM.

1）作为母亲，不断的炫耀他们。

It's nice to offer the occasional kudos, like when your teen passes his or her driver's test, but it's important to be aware of how they feel about being the main focus of your posts all the time, says Susan Kuczmarski, Ph.D., family expert and author of The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent's Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go. "Self-consciousness, sometimes called an 'imaginary audience,' can be overwhelming in teens," she says. In other words, they assume that everyone around them is watching and passing judgment. So even sharing a candid photo of your teen studying, while innocent to you, could feel like a violation of their privacy. Before you post, pause and ask yourself: Why do I want to share this particular update about my child? Is it really about his or her accomplishment, or is it about me showing off? The next step is to ask for their permission, which creates respect between you, says Kuczmarski.

偶尔吹嘘他们是件好事儿，比如当他们通过驾照考试时，但是记住以下一点也很重要：对于自己总是成为你状态的重心，他们的感受是什么，苏珊•库兹马斯基（Susan Kuczmarski）博士说道，她是家庭专家也是《青少年神圣飞行：家长后退一步放任孩子自由指导》一书的作者。“自我意识，有时也叫做‘假想的观众’可能会让青少年十分困扰，”她说道。换句话说，他们会想象身边的人都在关注他们，对他们指指点点。所以即使你只是分享了一张孩子认真学习的照片，虽然你是无心的，但也是一种侵犯隐私的行为。在发状态之前，可以先停下来问自己：为什么我想要分享孩子的这个状态呢？这真的只是关于他/她的成就还是只是我这个当妈妈的想要炫耀一下呢？下一步就是征得他们的同意，因为这样会让你们彼此都相互尊重，库兹马斯基说道。

2) COMMENTING ON ALL OF THEIR POSTS.

2）评论他们发布的每一条状态。

Teens want their parents to follow them digitally, however, they prefer that's it's done from the background, says Rourke. "They don't want parents inserting themselves into their social exchanges. Follow and read, but ask questions or comment privately." If your offspring feels like you're cyberstalking them, they will eventually begin to censor their posts or block you from seeing them, warns Andrea Vazzana, Ph.D., child and adolescent psychologist at the Child study Center at NYU Langone Medical Center. "And to some extent, that's appropriate," she says. "Teens are supposed to be developing a sense of self. The trick is to figure out what the boundaries ought to be." Having an open conversation about your social media connection with them, and establishing some ground rules, will avoid tension later on.

青少年们想要自己的父亲在社交媒体上关注自己，但是，更倾向于从后台关注，洛克说道。“青春期的孩子们并不想要父母把自己融入到他们的社交中。你可以关注他们、看他们的状态，但是要私下问他们问题或是评论。”如果你的孩子们觉得你在网上跟踪他们，他们就会开始每发一条状态就检查一遍或者屏蔽你们，不让你们看他们的动态，博士安德里亚•威扎娜说道。她是纽约大学朗格尼医学中心儿童研究中心的儿童和青少年心理专家。“在某种程度上，这是合适的，”她说道。“青春期的孩子们应该会发展一种自我意识。关键就是要找到这个界限是什么。”和孩子们谈谈吧，谈谈你们在社交媒体上与他们的联系，设定一些基本规则，这样就会避免以后的关系紧张。

3) REPRIMANDING THEM ONLINE.

3）在网上斥责他们。

What if your teen puts up a photo that you don't approve of, or says something that you know could come back to haunt them later? Your gut reaction might be to call them out on it right there, but "shaming" them online could do more harm than good, says Vazzana.

如果你的孩子们在网上发了一张你不赞成的照片，或者说了一些以后会纠缠他们的话，你会怎么做呢？你的直觉反应可能会立马叫停他们，但是在网上“羞辱”他们只会带来比好处更多的伤害，威扎娜说道。