学会说“不”

You can't be all things — or do all things — for all people.

你不能为所有人成为任何人或做所有事。

A life without limits means rarely saying "no" and considering everyone else's feelings before your own. Not only are these people-pleasing habits wholly exhausting, they put you on the direct road toburnout, a major health hazard in its own right.

不设限的人生意味着极少说“不”，把所有其他人的感受放在自己的感受之前。这些取悦他人的习惯不但会让你彻底筋疲力尽，还会让你直接走向崩溃，严重危害你的健康。

We consulted boundaries expert Chad Buck, a clinical psychologist at Vanderbilt University's Work/Life Employee Assistance Program, on the life-changing power of establishing a clear-cut view of what you're willing to tolerate. Below are a few great things that happen when you learn to set your own limits:

我们咨询了范德堡大学“员工工作与生活援助项目”的临床心理学家、设限专家查德·巴克，请他来告诉我们如果能明确自己愿意承受的限度，会给生活带来多大的改变。如果你学会了设限，就会得到以下几点好处：

1. You're more self-aware.

你会更有自知之明。

Self awareness is the art of recognizing your needs and feelings as your own, and not tied to any person or your environment. Creating your own limitations is an inherently self-aware act — and that can be incredibly beneficial for your own welfare.

自知是一种不受任何人或周遭环境影响来认识自己需要和感受的艺术。设定自己的限度本身就是一种自知行为——它能给你带来不可思议的好处。

2. You become a better friend and partner.

你会成为更好的朋友和伴侣。

Boundaries make it possible to allow yourself to recharge. And when you're not totally tapped out, you have more energy to devote to the ones you love.

设限能让你有机会恢复能量。你不会把自己搞得筋疲力尽，也就会有更多的精力来照顾自己所爱的人。

3. You take better care of yourself.

你能更好地照顾自己。

Boundaries help you prioritize your own well-being — plain and simple.

理所当然地，设限能帮你重视自己的需要。

4. You're less stressed.

你会少些压力。

Without establishing your own limits, you open yourself up to the risk of taking on everyone's problems in addition to your own. Or worse, you ignore your own happenings entirely. If you have a reasonable boundary, you don't take on additional stress.

不设限的话，你就有可能把所有人的问题变成自己的问题，将自己置于这种风险之中。或者，还有更糟的情况，就是你会完全忽略自己的幸福。如果你有合理的限度，就不会吸纳额外的压力了。

5. You're a better communicator.

你能更好地与人沟通。

In order to really establish limits, you have to state what you can or cannot tolerate, Buck said. That means being clear and concise. Expressing your own needs will also allow you to be more transparent. All of these characteristics are elements of good communication.

巴克说，为了真正设立限度，你必须要明确说明你能忍受什么或者不能忍受什么，这也就意味着你必须说得清楚简洁。表达自己的需要还会让你成为一个更透明的人。所有这些特征都是构建良好沟通的元素。

6. You start trusting people more.

你开始更加信任他人。

Expressing your limitations to others means you're trusting them to handle those emotions you’re conveying, Buck said. And more trust means better relationships.

巴克说，能向别人表达出你的限度，说明你信任他们，相信他们能够处理好你传达的情绪。而更多信任也就意味着更好的关系。

7. You're less angry.

你会少些愤怒。

When you don't have set boundaries, it means that gives other people the power over your own life — and that can lead to anger.

你不为自己设限，也就给了别人支配你生活的权力——而这样就会导致愤怒情绪。

8. You learn how to say "no."

你会学会如何说“不”。

"No" may be a small word but it's certainly powerful. The most basic way of establishing a boundary is declining anything you don't have the capacity to handle.

“不”可能是个很小的字眼，但无疑具有巨大的能量。设限的最基本方式就是拒绝那些你无力处理的事情。

9. You end up doing things you actually want to do.

你终于可以做你真正想做的事。

Limits free you up for more opportunity to do the work and activities that you actually desire to do.

设限会将你解放，让你有更多的机会去参与你真正渴望的工作和活动。

10. You become a more understanding person.

你会成为一个更贴心的人。

When you're compassionate toward yourself about what you can tolerate, you're better able to express that to other people who have their own boundaries they want to follow.

当你能对自己有同情心、知晓自己能承受的限度，你也就能更好地表达对别人的同情心并理解他人遵循的限度。