双语美文：脸书教会我的七堂课

1. My sense of humor (and posts from The Onion) are not universally understood

我的幽默感(和洋葱资讯网上的帖子)不是所有人都理解

I think I am pretty funny. Sometimes, I wake myself up laughing at things I've said in my dream. If I had to say what one quality I would want to have for the entirety of my life, it would be a sense of humor because it is fun and beautiful, even when (or especially when) you are old. Just recently, I posted that I wanted to be a pancake flipper at the new Bisquick World Headquarters in Silicon Valley (as reported by The Onion), and my mother, who is watching my Midlife Exploration with love and trepidation, thought this might just be my true goal. I am thinking that her confusion mostly stemmed from the fact that I don't cook, but I had to face the reality that I am not always all that universally funny.

我觉得自己很有意思，有时早上醒来我会因自己梦里说的话发笑。如果非要说有什么品质是我想一生拥有的，那就是幽默感，因为幽默感很有趣、很美好，甚至(尤其)在你老了的时候。最近，我发了一个帖子说我想在硅谷的Bisquick世界总部当个煎饼小贩(洋葱资讯上发表了)，我妈妈正带着对我的爱和担忧看我的Midlife Exploration(直译：中年探索)，她还以为我真有这个目标。我想她的困惑主要是因为我不做饭，但我不得不承认我的幽默感并不总能得到普遍认可。

2. Expressing my actual opinion doesn't hurt as much as I thought it might

表达真实的看法并不像我曾经以为的那样伤人

Criticism makes me want to crawl into a small hole, cover it with earth, then rocks, then concrete and remain there until the half-life of the criticism has passed and I can repopulate the earth, criticism-free. But, in baby steps, Facebook has allowed me to share my actual opinions without having to look in someone's eyes and see either praise or ridicule. As a direct result, I can now sing "Let It Go" in the car with more pizzazz, something my 16-year-old daughter truly appreciates.

批评使我想找个小洞钻进去，上面撒上土，铺上石头，最后浇上混凝土，然后一直待着那儿等着批评的风声过去，我才能重见天日而不会听见别人的骂声。但是Facebook一点一点使我能分享真实的想法而不用看别人的眼色、看别人投来的是赞扬还是嘲笑。所以我现在可以在车里更有活力地唱“随它吧”，这是我16岁的女儿真心喜欢的歌。

3. I want to be George Takei

我想成为乔治•武井

Honestly, that man either never sleeps or has amazing time management skills to allow him to read the entire internet and be amusing. That is my dream job, although I do like to sleep.

说实话，他要么不睡觉、要么有惊人的时间安排技巧使他能读完所有互联网上的信息，还很风趣。虽然我真的喜欢睡觉，但那也是我梦想中的工作。

4. Conflict gives me a headache

冲突使我头疼

Much like I don't invite people into my living room that I know will argue heatedly, I generally don't have people in my Facebook circle that do that either. But as I get better at sharing what I actually think (see number 2, above), I am actually generating conflict and it gives me a headache. But it also gives me the opportunity to work through my fear of conflict in a way that feels much safer than face to face, and I am grateful for that opportunity.

就像我不会邀请那些我明知道会跟我激烈争吵的人进客厅一样，我的Facebook朋友圈里通常也没有那样的人。但随着我更多地分享我的真实想法(见上面第2条)，我确实挑起了冲突，这让我头疼。但也给我一个机会战胜对冲突的恐惧，这样至少比面对面安全得多，而且我很感激有这样的机会。

5. I'm not as worried about everyone else's life as I used to be

我不再像过去那样担忧别人的生活

I used to resent the perfect lives portrayed on Facebook. Conversely, I also used to get annoyed by the people who only complained. But lately, I find myself more able to just take a step back and realize that every post is just the glossy. I am learning to just "like" the happy posts and to try not to fix the complaining ones.

我过去很讨厌别人在Facebook上晒的完美生活，相反只会抱怨的人也让我很生气。但最近，我发现自己现在更加懂得退一步，认清了每条帖子都只是外表光鲜。我正在学习仅仅去“喜欢”那些幸福的帖子，努力不去记住抱怨的声音。

6. People are generally kind, and you can unfriend those that aren't

通常人们都很善良，你可以删掉那些不好的人

I am pleasantly surprised by how kind and supportive people are in my Facebook circle. They comfort people going through crises. They very rarely point out the philosophical error of a person's way of thinking. Because on Facebook you get to choose the people with whom you associate and you can painlessly cull the people you don't enjoy from your circle, you can choose to see things that bring you joy. If we were better at doing that in real life, every day might feel happier.

我惊喜地发现我的Facebook朋友圈里的人都很善良、很支持我。他们会安慰那些深陷困境的人，很少指出一个人思考方式上的哲学错误，因为在Facebook上你可以选择和谁联系，而且毫不费力就可以从朋友圈里删掉不喜欢的人，所以你可以选择只看带给你快乐的东西。如果我们在现实生活中也可以这样，那每天都会感觉快乐很多。

7. If all else fails, every day can be improved by seeing pictures of someone's dog

如果生活不顺，每天也可以看看别人狗狗的照片来调节一下

I am always happy to see pictures of people's dogs in costumes, in some weird position, drooling. In the end, sometimes you just need to laugh and even if my sense of humor isn't cutting the mustard, someone's dog is going to be hilarious. Maybe that's my favorite Facebook lesson of all.

我总是很愿意看别人狗狗的照片，有穿衣服的，有姿势古怪的，还有流口水的。总之我们有时只是需要点笑料。即使我的笑点比较高，但别人的狗狗还是很滑稽的。可能这就是Facebook让我学到的一切中我最喜欢的部分。