Iwaited a day before calling
Dr. Sam to inform him of
my decision. I had to be sure!
Miriam, I think I know
why you want to go through
with this pregnancy, but
are you aware of the risks?
I know my baby will be
different. I know she may be
mentally and physically retarded.
She may have developmental difficulties
and problems with social acceptance.
I do recognize that I am
going to have to amend
almost every facet of my life.
I am prepared to do that.
This is my final gift
from Paul and I am determined
to go through with this!
I thought you would feel
that way. You have my utmost
admiration and support. I will
follow your pregnancy carefully
but I want you to see
a specialist in birth defects.
I will refer you to Dr. Brown
and would like you to make
an appointment with her
as soon as possible, he said.
I knew then that I had
made the right choice.
My pregnancy was not without
its hardships, from morning sickness
to swollen ankles, but I had
no doubts about the decision
I had made. My parents, when
I told them what was going
on with me, expressed their concerns
but also their confidence
in my decision and assured me
they would be there when
I delivered my baby.
Paula was born on a bright,
cloudless, warm Tuesday morning
in May. I was prepared to
see a red, wrinkled, squalling infant.
Instead, I saw very little.
Because of the risks involved,
Paula was delivered by Caesarian section.
The doctors and nurses rushed her
into an incubatorto assess her
before I caught a glimpse of her.
I could see my parents
on the other side of
the operating room window, questions
in their eyes. What was going on?
The nurses kept me comfortable
and tried to alleviate my fears
but half an hour passed before
our questions were answered.
My daughter had a severe heart defect.
It could be corrected through surgery
but not until she gained
a little weight and strength.
I understood in that moment that
my life had changed forever.
I demanded to see her immediately,
and as soon as I did,
I fell in love. This most
precious of all gifts was
going to survive the obstacles
ahead of her with my help.
I knew in an instant that
all my strength,love, and
monetary resources were at
her command. Nothing she wanted,
needed, or even dreamed
of, would ever be denied.
The heart surgery to correct
a flawed valve was a resounding success.
Fortunately, the common defects
occurring in a majority
of Downs syndrome children
were absent in Paula. She has
no intestinal malformations, hearing impairment,
or severe visual problems.
We are truly blessed.
My parents adore this exceptional grandchild.
Their expertise in teaching, nurturing,
and parenting has been so welcome.
I always knew they were there
for me; now they are there for us.
I am aware of the sympathetic
looks from strangers who dont know
or understand the disorder
afflicting my child. Their pity,
for what they ascertain as
my plight, is misplaced but understandable.
I am sure that I, too,
felt sorry for parents of what
I thought of as imperfect children.
Paula is a delightful child.
Her physical defects are apparent;
there is no doubt she is
different from other children.
However, she goes to school
with other children her age;
she takes longer to learn things
and has to work harder,
but she is achieving all
the milestones of growing children.
Raising her is a challenge,
as is the raising of any child.
It isnt easy and it wont get easier.
As she grows and develops,
there will be questions to answer,
hurdles to cross, and goals
to reach. Paula is different.
She is aware that she is.
It doesnt dismay her. She greets
each day with a smile on her
lips and a sparkle in her eye.
Do I ever have doubts about
my decision? No! My only regret
is that Paul isnt here to
share my joy in our wonderful daughter.